Trepidatious

So dh's new job looks like it won't need the full 3 months of his contract to finish it. He's accomplishing in days - sometimes hours - what was estimated to take weeks or months. And he's trying not to do it too quickly! Based on what they knew, the estimation of 3 months with possible 2 month extension made sense. Unfortuntely, they didn't know much about the software dh is using, so their estimate was based on someone who kept getting errors in the code and having a hard time fixing them, simply because he wasn't very familiar with the newest version of the software. Dh, on the other hand, is very familiar with it. He readily admits he's no genius at it (though he is cutting himself short a bit - he's quite good at what he does). Even so, simply knowledge of the tools is enough to make the difference.

Of course, that means he's still looking and interviewing. With some breathing space, thanks to this contract, he can look with a more selective eye. There's two possibilities in the works. One is a local position and is our preference.

The other would have us moving back to my home province.

That's where I'm feeling trepidatious.

First off, I don't want to do another interprovincial move. There's a lot of extra headaches involved. I particularily don't want to move back to my home province, as every time we've done that, it's cost us about $5000 at tax time.

Sure, our family is all there - his and mine - but family is part of why we left in the first place. More specifially, my mother. She's one of those toxic people that really ought to be avoided. She's also determined to control my life and ferociously against our homeschooling the kids. I seriously believe she'd go so far as making a false report to social services and have our kids taken from us. Considerring she's already made false reports against us to other authorities, this is no great leap.

Now, I happen to like my home province in many ways, and am familier with the city we'd be going to, since we've lived there several times over the years. There's a lot of good things going for it.

What I've found, however, is that as much as I liked living there, I really love living here. I find it wonderfully, wildly eclectic. It's amazingly friendly here, and there's a large hs'ing community that we've tapped into. I feel at home here.

The kids have developed real friendships. A lot of these kids have competely different views than mine, they like different things, they dress and act differently - and none of that matters. They're friends because they truly enjoy each other's company, and their differences are enjoyed, if not revelled in. *L* This is so completely different from the "friends" they left behind.

Amazingly, I'm finding that *I* have started to develope friendships, too. There are a lot of people who's company I enjoy so much, and I look forward to getting to know them even better. This is a totally new thing for me. I have long been a recluse at heart, and I am content in my own space. I'm not the sort of person who "needs" to be around people, or "needs" constant companionship. Dh is very much like that - he starts to go stir crazy if he hasn't spent some time at least talking to other people on the phone. I've just never been much of a people person. I can happily sit at home with some good books or some crafting materials and I'll be happy for ages. Throw in all the moves, and what I've developed over the years is a whole lot of aquaintances, but few actual friendships. This whole concept of actually connecting with another person like that is a new thing for me. I like it. Sure, I would still be just as content as a hermit, but I value these people and their companionship. I want to continue down that path. Moving out of province makes it so much more difficult to maintain friendships.

So that's where my thoughts are these days. Of course, there's no way of knowing where we'll end up. We just have to keep these things in mind while making our decisions.