A lot has been happening since the last time I've been able to post on either of my blogs, and things got rather ... tense.
At this point, however, I think things have finally started to calm down. For starters, we are no longer concerned that a mentally ill man is going to suddenly show up at our door or try to snatch his kids. He's under investigation by children's services for child abuse and steps are being taken to protect the girls and their mother from him, should he show up. The likelihood of that happening anytime soon has dropped - at least in part due to being served notice that he faces a restraining order, civil suit and various criminal charges on his return.
Communications between the girls and their father have been all but cut off. The Watcher has refused to talk to him directly, and when we tried sending an audio message she and Beetle Child made, his response was ... less than diplomatic. Beetle Child has since sent another brief message, but The Watcher didn't want to take part. After his response to the last one, she didn't see the point. There has been no response to the audio message Beetle Child has sent.
With Egypt spiralling into civil war, there's also that to prevent any travel. Their dad isn't in the big cities, but he would have to go to Cairo to come back, and things are not looking good there.
Since not having any more contact from their dad, either by email, Skype or telephone, the girls have become amazingly ... ordinary. The behavioural issues we'd been seeing are all but gone, with nothing more than normal, childhood issues to deal with. They're still not where I would expect them to be for their ages in some areas, but in others, they have bounced back remarkably. Children are so resilient! Best of all, they are getting to see their mom often, even spending almost entire days with her.
The nightly "talks" with The Watcher, as she struggled to find the words to explain her fears, worries and describe some of the things their father did while they were living with him have pretty much ended. Instead, our nightly cuddles after their bedtime story have ordinary chats about ordinary things.
The battle isn't over, by any means. We still have counselling sessions coming up, their mom is getting a Legal Aid lawyer for herself and another will be assigned to the girls. We're looking at more court sessions in the future, and there's still finding out just how extensive their abuse and neglect has been over the past 2 yrs. It's actually been good to hear the girls sometimes talk about pleasant memories with their father.
We don't know what's going to happen next, but at least we're breathing an little easier, even if we still can't let our guard down completely.
This whole thing has been quite disruptive, and our lives have been turned completely upside down, shaken and stirred. I am so grateful to my family for their patience - none of us expected things to get this crazy, but I was the one who brought this on us, and I'm thankful for their support in all this.
In an ideal world, their mother will be able to get an accessible unit in our co-op - she's still on the waiting list - and the girls would be able to be with their mother even more. With our assisted living staff, her physical and medical needs would be taken care of as well as in the care centre she's in now. Not being able to move into a place like ours is the only reason the girls had to move in with their father to begin with. It's unlikely she'd get a unit large enough for them to actually move in with her, but even if she got a 1 bedroom, we'd be just across the street and the girls could easily move between two "homes." If a larger accessible unit were to become available, priority is given to members before becoming available to people on the waiting list. Who knows - maybe someday, the girls will actually be able to live with their mother again! At least now, this sort of scenario looks possible.
On the down side, it means that our other plans have been diverted, if not shelved entirely. My father is celebrating his 90th birthday this fall and I have a nephew getting married, but I see no way we can make the trip out. I haven't seen my family in 2 years, and by husband hasn't seen his in 4. Not that my husband can physically handle the drive out anymore, with his own health problems.
*sigh*
Instead of heading out to visit the family in Manitoba, we'll instead be focusing on moving to another, larger unit. That's another hit on the finances, as my husband will not be getting a raise this year (due to a technicality, of all things - frustrating!). With two new youngsters in the house, there's no way I can get a job, but Youngest wants to get a full time job and Eldest plans to get a part time job after the summer festival season is over. They have both talked about wanting to contribute to the family finances.
I have the most amazing children. And the most amazing husband.
I am truly blessed.
Showing posts with label another day in my life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label another day in my life. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Sunday, July 07, 2013
Life keeps moving on
If you've been reading my homeschool blog at all, you'll see things have been a bit busy for us lately! At a time when we were approaching an empty nest and ending our home school journey, we're starting all over again with two youngsters who have joined our household. I've had little time to post on blogs, as any writing time I've had is instead diverted to documentation.
Unfortunately, instead of focusing on the girls, we are focusing on getting advice from the law courts, contacting the police, lawyers and getting involved with social services. All because of their father, who has managed to reach out from Egypt to cause us all problems.
As difficult as their father has been, it had been my hope that we would still be able to keep the girls in contact with him. I strongly believe in the importance of a father in children's lives, and would never willingly try to prevent them from talking to him. His own actions, however, made it highly unpleasant. In seeking legal information, there was even surprise expressed that we were allowing them to speak to him at all, given the circumstances. We have no legal obligation to allow him access to the children while out of the country.
Unfortunately, in the few Skype calls he's had with them so far, he's been more interested in dishonesty and manipulation. Today, however, he has hoisted himself by his own petard. He talked one of his daughters through changing their Skype password, telling them to keep it from us. She wrote it down.
Now we can't log them into their Skype account at all. What she wrote doesn't work.
As international phone call attempts have been complete failures, Skype was the closest thing to a reliable means of communication they had with him - and even that was questionable, as there's the usual delays and occasional failed connections. My original intent had been to regularly send him emails with updates on what the girls were doing, including photos. In thanks, I got unreasonable demands, bizarre accusations and threats against me, so no email. That left regular Skype calls with the girls. Now, they don't even have that. Because of his attempts to separate the girls from our trust, he has succeeded only in separating the girls from himself. I am not going to attempt to regain access to the account. He will have to live with the consequences of his own actions.
Unfortunately, instead of focusing on the girls, we are focusing on getting advice from the law courts, contacting the police, lawyers and getting involved with social services. All because of their father, who has managed to reach out from Egypt to cause us all problems.
As difficult as their father has been, it had been my hope that we would still be able to keep the girls in contact with him. I strongly believe in the importance of a father in children's lives, and would never willingly try to prevent them from talking to him. His own actions, however, made it highly unpleasant. In seeking legal information, there was even surprise expressed that we were allowing them to speak to him at all, given the circumstances. We have no legal obligation to allow him access to the children while out of the country.
Unfortunately, in the few Skype calls he's had with them so far, he's been more interested in dishonesty and manipulation. Today, however, he has hoisted himself by his own petard. He talked one of his daughters through changing their Skype password, telling them to keep it from us. She wrote it down.
Now we can't log them into their Skype account at all. What she wrote doesn't work.
As international phone call attempts have been complete failures, Skype was the closest thing to a reliable means of communication they had with him - and even that was questionable, as there's the usual delays and occasional failed connections. My original intent had been to regularly send him emails with updates on what the girls were doing, including photos. In thanks, I got unreasonable demands, bizarre accusations and threats against me, so no email. That left regular Skype calls with the girls. Now, they don't even have that. Because of his attempts to separate the girls from our trust, he has succeeded only in separating the girls from himself. I am not going to attempt to regain access to the account. He will have to live with the consequences of his own actions.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
In case you're interested...
If you're not seeing a lot of activity on this blog, pop over to my homeschool blog and you'll see some of what's going on that's keeping me a bit busy to post here.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
On a more personal note...
The past while, I’ve been posting a lot on various issues, but this is actually a personal blog, and today I’m going to dash off in that direction – partly because I want to get this down while it’s still fresh in my memory, just in case I need to refer back to it in the future! Plus, I have my friend’s permission to regale people with it. LOL
I’ve posted before about a friend of mine who is in long term care. Thankfully, she has been able to move to a new care centre that is a whole lot less stressful than where she was before. On the down side, it’s brought up some issues in regards to seeing her children. Not the location – that’s another improvement. The problem lies with her X. He now has to *gasp* take TWO busses to bring the kids to her, so it’s a longer trip. Not that he has anything else to do with his time, what with not making any serious effort to get a job or anything.
Now, my friend had primary custody of the kids before she ended up in long term care. Since then, the kids have been living with their dad, but she had not given up custody of them. Without going into detail, there is a court order that says he has to bring the kids to see her three times a week. He’s also supposed to bring the kids TO her, but if she’s not in the lobby waiting for them, he refuses to go upstairs. Nor will he allow them to go with any of the staff (whom they’ve gotten to know pretty well by now). Keep in mind that my friend is a quad, and sometimes she is simply physically unable to get to the lobby for one reason or another. Even so, if she’s not there, he will simply take the kids back home again.
Just to be clear. He will take transit for something like an hour in total to deliver the children to their mother, then turn around and drag the kids back home again without seeing their mother, because he won’t take an elevator and go to her unit if she’s not in the lobby, despite a court order that says he had to deliver the girls TO their mother at a specific time.
Yes, this is relevant to my story.
Here’s where it gets complicated.
This guy’s from Egypt and he recently found out that his father is on his deathbed. He wants to go back to Egypt to be with his father, which is understandable. My friend asked me if we’d be willing to take the girls for a few weeks while he was gone, which we are more than happy to do. Their dad, in all the years he’s been in Canada, has developed no friendships or any sort of social circle, so he’s got no one to ask. His response to her arrangements was to come up with a “legal” contract that he wanted me to sign before he’d allow me to take in his kids while he was gone. “Legal” is a rather loose term since, the moment he leaves the country, my friend becomes sole guardian until he comes back, which means all parental decisions would be hers and hers alone. Anyhow, his initial contract was so ridiculous she refused to even pass it on to me without major changes. Among the things he wanted was that I was not to take the children outside the “borders” of our city. He also added that I was authorised to take care, and make any decisions required, of any medical emergency needs UNLESS I was responsible for the medical emergency. So, if one of them fell down the stairs and got hurt, I’d have his permission to take them to the emergency, but if I pushed one of them down the stairs, I wouldn’t have permission to take them to the emergency.
Oh, and if I cancelled at the last minute, I would have to pay him $3,500 cash immediately to compensate him for it. Apparently, this is a common thing in the Middle East.
Also, I would not be allowed to sign any legal documents or make any other decisions in his name. WTF? Why would I even want to do that? I already don’t have any legal right to do anything in his name. It’s not like I have some sort of Power of Attorney or something.
Anyhow, I did see the original “contract”, but only because my friend showed it to me for a laugh. It was really quite insulting, but too ridiculous for me to actually be insulted. When my friend made changes to the document, he had a fit and said he wouldn’t go to Egypt to see his dying father after all.
Well, things have gone back and forth and there is now a version of the document that my friend is okay with passing on to me, which hasn’t actually happened yet. This is where I come to what happened today.
After texting some details with my friend, she asked me to call her ex to make arrangements. She was supposed to get the kids today. There was a puppet show at the library, which is just a few blocks from us AND basically right at the bus stop he would have to transfer busses at, so she asked him to meet her downtown with the girls so they could see the puppet show. She asked me to call him to bring the paperwork, and we would all meet and we could get this done and he could get his ticket, etc. (We’ll not get into how a guy with no job and on social assistance can afford to buy a ticket to Egypt at the last minute.)
I tried calling him a total of five times. Four times, there was no answer. The second time I tried calling, I got a busy signal. He simply wasn’t answering his phone. She had been trying to call him, too, but he wasn’t picking up (yes, he has caller ID, but no voice mail).
We were going to meet up at the library anyhow. Meanwhile, Eldest had gone out in the morning to stand in line and sign up for a spot in a local art festival (this will be her fourth year as a vendor in this festival). When she got home, she took me out to lunch so she could regale me with the happenings of the morning, so we left together early. When it got close to the time to meet at the library, we headed over and waited.
And waited.
Knowing my friend and her situation, when she wasn’t there within a certain time, I went to look around to see if I could see her. Unfortunately, we were around enough noise that I didn’t hear my phone ringing, so when I got back to Eldest, there was a missed call and a message for me. She was at a particular bus stop and could I please meet her there?
Not a problem. Eldest and I walk over to the intersection and, as we draw near, we can see her in her chair at the bus stop up the street. I’m thinking, Great! Huh. That looks like a cop beside her.
As we get closer to the intersection, I can see that no, it’s not a cop beside her. That’s a security uniform. Wait. That other person… that’s a cop’s uniform. Gee. I hope this doesn’t have anything to do with my friend, ha ha!
We cross the street.
We see the girls (8 and 7) are already with her. And the police. And the security guard.
Oh, look. There’s the Ex, too.
What the heck?
As we come closer, I can see my friend talking to one officer, her Ex talking to another, there’s a security guard standing past her Ex, and the girls are looking rather upset. We rather tentatively say hello to my friend and the girls, then stand with them, wondering what the heck is going on. As I made eye contact with the security guard, he made a hand gesture at me. I got the hint. There’s a bus shelter sort of built into the building we’re standing beside, so Eldest and I suggest to the girls that they come and sit with us. Their mom tells them to go ahead with us. Her older daughter goes in with Eldest and I follow, but her younger daughter goes first to her father to double check if it’s okay with him.
This is something I’ve noticed before. Their behaviour is very different when he’s around, and not in a good way. We’re not the only ones who’ve noticed it, either.
So Eldest and I go into the shelter and sit down. Her younger daughter eventually joins us, but she’s crying. Turns out she was afraid the police where going to take them away.
Sigh.
We were able to cheer them up a little bit and distract them with conversation. Meanwhile, my friend is talking in French to one of the officers while her Ex is talking at another, while a third officer was taking notes. The security guys had to just hang around. In total, there were 4 officers and 2 security guards involved, though not all at once. After a while, the officer that was speaking in French came over to talk to me and the kids.
I have to say here that this guy was pretty awesome. He was great with the kids. He asked me a few questions about my being able to help my friend out and, if necessary, being able to get the kids back to their dad as required by the court order if necessary. As things dragged on, we were able to interrupt things enough to let Eldest take the girls to the library so they could take in the puppet show. Her older daughter eagerly left with Eldest, but the younger daughter turned back to her father, just as she did before. Her dad was busily making accusations about my friend (I couldn’t hear much, but apparently it involved a fair bit of swearing and him accusing her of lies), so when his daughter tried to get his attention, he pretty much ignored her. It wasn’t until her mom said for her to get her water bottle, which was among his things on the ground, that attention was broken, she got her water bottle, and then went to join Eldest and her sister to go to the library, and they were able to get to the puppet show on time.
Meanwhile, the police were able to convince the Ex to go along with things (I was still in the dark about a fair bit of this) and agree to meeting at this same bus stop at 4pm, when visitation with their mom would be done, and he could take them home. The paperwork he wanted me to sign had come up in discussion, too, and I mentioned that I had tried to call him several times this morning. He kinda sorta apologised for not answering the phone, in a “not my fault” way. My name didn’t come up on the caller ID, you see. It said “unknown name”, he didn’t recognise the number, and it was a Saturday, so he wasn’t going to answer an unfamiliar number. Also, it wasn’t prearranged for me to call him, so he wasn’t expecting me to call (how we were to prearrange a phone call on short notice – especially when he was refusing to answer calls from my friend, too – I have no idea), so he didn’t know to print out the “contract” and bring it along.
In other words, it wasn’t his fault he didn’t answer the phone, which means it wasn’t his fault he didn’t know to bring the paperwork for me to sign.
Over the next while, my friend was able to fill me in on what happened. She had talked to her Ex the night before, mentioning that she wanted to take the girls to the puppet show, which they were looking forward to. That conversation ended up with him yelling at her and hanging up on her. Together with other things I won’t go into here, she knew there would be issues. So, based on what time he arrives to drop the kids off normally, she reverse-scheduled the bus routes to figure out when he’d have to arrive downtown to transfer buses, then made sure she was ON the bus he had to transfer to. She even chatted with the driver to explain why she wasn’t getting off the bus as it went past the several bus stops he could possibly be using and letting him know what she was looking out for. She spotted him on the sidewalk with the girls, so she let the drive know she had to get off. Unfortunately, some woman with a stroller tried to get on the bus before the drive could lower the ramp so my friend could get off.
Then things got interesting.
As they were walking to the bus, her Ex saw the ramp going down and saw that she was on the bus. He immediately started to back up with the kids, who hadn’t seen her yet. Yup, he actually tried to get the kids away from the bus and her. My friend called out her older daughter’s name a few times. When she finally heard her mom, she yelled out “mom!”, and her younger sister then noticed her mother. However, their father was slowly backing them down the sidewalk towards the back of the bus.
Her Ex, however, was not a happy camper. He refused to release the kids to her. He even physically restrained them, holding them back from their mother. (Later, he accused her of telling the bus driver to not allow him on the bus.) The security guards happened to be walking by, so she asked them for help. They said they couldn’t get involved so, with things devolving quickly, she called 911. She mentioned her concerns for their safety, and that he had an abusive past (one of the reasons he’s an Ex to begin with). Since she called 911, the security had to hang around anyhow, which probably prevented things from escalating even further.
So that’s how the police became involved.
Her Ex continued to refuse to release the girls to their mother, claiming that the court order was for him to deliver them to her residence. That’s right. He wanted to take the kids all the way to the care centre, where they would have immediately had to turn around to take a bus back downtown. Plus, since my friend was *already* downtown, she would have had to take the bus back to her place with them, so that they could turn around and all 4 of them take the bus back to that exact same bus stop (at which point, they would probably have been too late for the puppet show). Meanwhile, the court order is for him to deliver the children to HER, which he refuses to do if it means he has to take an elevator and walk them to her unit anyhow.
This whole thing ended up taking about an hour at the bus stop, with myself and Eldest joining in about half an hour in.
We did have a great visit, though. Eldest got them to the puppet show, and their demeanor completely changed as soon as they were away from their dad. We were able to stay near the entrance and see the girls inside the room the show was held in, and they were having a blast. Even the younger one, who is normally less demonstrative, was laughing and taking part. After the puppet show, the older one went to look at books with Eldest while her sister waited her turn to use the washroom. That was enough time for her to find several books she wanted to take out. They didn’t have their cards, but my friend had their card numbers, so she tried to take them out. That’s when she found out that her Ex had a note put on their file saying that no books could be taken out without his signature.
Yup. The kids can’t even take out library books without him.
Because he was supposed to meet them in the area anyhow, my friend asked them to set the books aside for possible pick up later, and if they didn’t get picked up by the end of the day, to put them on hold.
After that, we made our way back to the nearby mall where she bought her kids some lunch, then we went to a bookstore and generally just had a great time hanging out. The kids are great fun to be with.
Eventually, it was getting close to the time to meet their dad, so we started heading out. As we got closer to the bus stop, we could see he was already there. My friend encouraged them to run on ahead to their dad, which they did. As soon as they reached him he, without making contact with any of us, turned his back to us and started walking away! No chance for the girls to say proper goodbyes or anything. My friend called one of them back because she’d forgotten her water bottle, but her Ex kept on walking, completely ignoring us. Her daughter heard and ran back, got her water bottle, then had to run to catch up with her dad. She was half way back before he noticed she was no longer with him and turned to see where she was. He was still very deliberate about not making eye contact.
What a petulant child.
Their dad, I mean. The girls are much more mature than their father.
What a ridiculous situation. It just blows my mind when a parent is so obsessed with getting their own way, to get back at their ex, that they don’t care how much it hurts their children. At one point, as we watched the police talking to their parents, the older daughter told Eldest that her parents didn’t argue before their mom ended up in the hospital the first time. Then they started arguing, and haven’t stopped since, and she didn’t know why. They are getting to an age, however, they they’re both seeing that there is something wrong with their dad. Seeing how different their behaviour is when he is around is concerning, too. There is clearly come psychological manipulation happening, there.
*sigh*
Well, whatever happens, I hope we do get to have them stay with us. During our conversation, my friend mentioned the possibility of it being for longer than 3 weeks, which is fine with us. Three weeks, three months, three years, we don’t care. Our home is open to them at any time.
I just wish their dad would grow a pair and be a man who takes responsibility for himself and his family, rather than scamming the welfare system while acting like a spoiled brat.
I’ve posted before about a friend of mine who is in long term care. Thankfully, she has been able to move to a new care centre that is a whole lot less stressful than where she was before. On the down side, it’s brought up some issues in regards to seeing her children. Not the location – that’s another improvement. The problem lies with her X. He now has to *gasp* take TWO busses to bring the kids to her, so it’s a longer trip. Not that he has anything else to do with his time, what with not making any serious effort to get a job or anything.
Now, my friend had primary custody of the kids before she ended up in long term care. Since then, the kids have been living with their dad, but she had not given up custody of them. Without going into detail, there is a court order that says he has to bring the kids to see her three times a week. He’s also supposed to bring the kids TO her, but if she’s not in the lobby waiting for them, he refuses to go upstairs. Nor will he allow them to go with any of the staff (whom they’ve gotten to know pretty well by now). Keep in mind that my friend is a quad, and sometimes she is simply physically unable to get to the lobby for one reason or another. Even so, if she’s not there, he will simply take the kids back home again.
Just to be clear. He will take transit for something like an hour in total to deliver the children to their mother, then turn around and drag the kids back home again without seeing their mother, because he won’t take an elevator and go to her unit if she’s not in the lobby, despite a court order that says he had to deliver the girls TO their mother at a specific time.
Yes, this is relevant to my story.
Here’s where it gets complicated.
This guy’s from Egypt and he recently found out that his father is on his deathbed. He wants to go back to Egypt to be with his father, which is understandable. My friend asked me if we’d be willing to take the girls for a few weeks while he was gone, which we are more than happy to do. Their dad, in all the years he’s been in Canada, has developed no friendships or any sort of social circle, so he’s got no one to ask. His response to her arrangements was to come up with a “legal” contract that he wanted me to sign before he’d allow me to take in his kids while he was gone. “Legal” is a rather loose term since, the moment he leaves the country, my friend becomes sole guardian until he comes back, which means all parental decisions would be hers and hers alone. Anyhow, his initial contract was so ridiculous she refused to even pass it on to me without major changes. Among the things he wanted was that I was not to take the children outside the “borders” of our city. He also added that I was authorised to take care, and make any decisions required, of any medical emergency needs UNLESS I was responsible for the medical emergency. So, if one of them fell down the stairs and got hurt, I’d have his permission to take them to the emergency, but if I pushed one of them down the stairs, I wouldn’t have permission to take them to the emergency.
Oh, and if I cancelled at the last minute, I would have to pay him $3,500 cash immediately to compensate him for it. Apparently, this is a common thing in the Middle East.
Also, I would not be allowed to sign any legal documents or make any other decisions in his name. WTF? Why would I even want to do that? I already don’t have any legal right to do anything in his name. It’s not like I have some sort of Power of Attorney or something.
Anyhow, I did see the original “contract”, but only because my friend showed it to me for a laugh. It was really quite insulting, but too ridiculous for me to actually be insulted. When my friend made changes to the document, he had a fit and said he wouldn’t go to Egypt to see his dying father after all.
Well, things have gone back and forth and there is now a version of the document that my friend is okay with passing on to me, which hasn’t actually happened yet. This is where I come to what happened today.
After texting some details with my friend, she asked me to call her ex to make arrangements. She was supposed to get the kids today. There was a puppet show at the library, which is just a few blocks from us AND basically right at the bus stop he would have to transfer busses at, so she asked him to meet her downtown with the girls so they could see the puppet show. She asked me to call him to bring the paperwork, and we would all meet and we could get this done and he could get his ticket, etc. (We’ll not get into how a guy with no job and on social assistance can afford to buy a ticket to Egypt at the last minute.)
I tried calling him a total of five times. Four times, there was no answer. The second time I tried calling, I got a busy signal. He simply wasn’t answering his phone. She had been trying to call him, too, but he wasn’t picking up (yes, he has caller ID, but no voice mail).
We were going to meet up at the library anyhow. Meanwhile, Eldest had gone out in the morning to stand in line and sign up for a spot in a local art festival (this will be her fourth year as a vendor in this festival). When she got home, she took me out to lunch so she could regale me with the happenings of the morning, so we left together early. When it got close to the time to meet at the library, we headed over and waited.
And waited.
Knowing my friend and her situation, when she wasn’t there within a certain time, I went to look around to see if I could see her. Unfortunately, we were around enough noise that I didn’t hear my phone ringing, so when I got back to Eldest, there was a missed call and a message for me. She was at a particular bus stop and could I please meet her there?
Not a problem. Eldest and I walk over to the intersection and, as we draw near, we can see her in her chair at the bus stop up the street. I’m thinking, Great! Huh. That looks like a cop beside her.
As we get closer to the intersection, I can see that no, it’s not a cop beside her. That’s a security uniform. Wait. That other person… that’s a cop’s uniform. Gee. I hope this doesn’t have anything to do with my friend, ha ha!
We cross the street.
We see the girls (8 and 7) are already with her. And the police. And the security guard.
Oh, look. There’s the Ex, too.
What the heck?
As we come closer, I can see my friend talking to one officer, her Ex talking to another, there’s a security guard standing past her Ex, and the girls are looking rather upset. We rather tentatively say hello to my friend and the girls, then stand with them, wondering what the heck is going on. As I made eye contact with the security guard, he made a hand gesture at me. I got the hint. There’s a bus shelter sort of built into the building we’re standing beside, so Eldest and I suggest to the girls that they come and sit with us. Their mom tells them to go ahead with us. Her older daughter goes in with Eldest and I follow, but her younger daughter goes first to her father to double check if it’s okay with him.
This is something I’ve noticed before. Their behaviour is very different when he’s around, and not in a good way. We’re not the only ones who’ve noticed it, either.
So Eldest and I go into the shelter and sit down. Her younger daughter eventually joins us, but she’s crying. Turns out she was afraid the police where going to take them away.
Sigh.
We were able to cheer them up a little bit and distract them with conversation. Meanwhile, my friend is talking in French to one of the officers while her Ex is talking at another, while a third officer was taking notes. The security guys had to just hang around. In total, there were 4 officers and 2 security guards involved, though not all at once. After a while, the officer that was speaking in French came over to talk to me and the kids.
I have to say here that this guy was pretty awesome. He was great with the kids. He asked me a few questions about my being able to help my friend out and, if necessary, being able to get the kids back to their dad as required by the court order if necessary. As things dragged on, we were able to interrupt things enough to let Eldest take the girls to the library so they could take in the puppet show. Her older daughter eagerly left with Eldest, but the younger daughter turned back to her father, just as she did before. Her dad was busily making accusations about my friend (I couldn’t hear much, but apparently it involved a fair bit of swearing and him accusing her of lies), so when his daughter tried to get his attention, he pretty much ignored her. It wasn’t until her mom said for her to get her water bottle, which was among his things on the ground, that attention was broken, she got her water bottle, and then went to join Eldest and her sister to go to the library, and they were able to get to the puppet show on time.
Meanwhile, the police were able to convince the Ex to go along with things (I was still in the dark about a fair bit of this) and agree to meeting at this same bus stop at 4pm, when visitation with their mom would be done, and he could take them home. The paperwork he wanted me to sign had come up in discussion, too, and I mentioned that I had tried to call him several times this morning. He kinda sorta apologised for not answering the phone, in a “not my fault” way. My name didn’t come up on the caller ID, you see. It said “unknown name”, he didn’t recognise the number, and it was a Saturday, so he wasn’t going to answer an unfamiliar number. Also, it wasn’t prearranged for me to call him, so he wasn’t expecting me to call (how we were to prearrange a phone call on short notice – especially when he was refusing to answer calls from my friend, too – I have no idea), so he didn’t know to print out the “contract” and bring it along.
In other words, it wasn’t his fault he didn’t answer the phone, which means it wasn’t his fault he didn’t know to bring the paperwork for me to sign.
Over the next while, my friend was able to fill me in on what happened. She had talked to her Ex the night before, mentioning that she wanted to take the girls to the puppet show, which they were looking forward to. That conversation ended up with him yelling at her and hanging up on her. Together with other things I won’t go into here, she knew there would be issues. So, based on what time he arrives to drop the kids off normally, she reverse-scheduled the bus routes to figure out when he’d have to arrive downtown to transfer buses, then made sure she was ON the bus he had to transfer to. She even chatted with the driver to explain why she wasn’t getting off the bus as it went past the several bus stops he could possibly be using and letting him know what she was looking out for. She spotted him on the sidewalk with the girls, so she let the drive know she had to get off. Unfortunately, some woman with a stroller tried to get on the bus before the drive could lower the ramp so my friend could get off.
Then things got interesting.
As they were walking to the bus, her Ex saw the ramp going down and saw that she was on the bus. He immediately started to back up with the kids, who hadn’t seen her yet. Yup, he actually tried to get the kids away from the bus and her. My friend called out her older daughter’s name a few times. When she finally heard her mom, she yelled out “mom!”, and her younger sister then noticed her mother. However, their father was slowly backing them down the sidewalk towards the back of the bus.
Her Ex, however, was not a happy camper. He refused to release the kids to her. He even physically restrained them, holding them back from their mother. (Later, he accused her of telling the bus driver to not allow him on the bus.) The security guards happened to be walking by, so she asked them for help. They said they couldn’t get involved so, with things devolving quickly, she called 911. She mentioned her concerns for their safety, and that he had an abusive past (one of the reasons he’s an Ex to begin with). Since she called 911, the security had to hang around anyhow, which probably prevented things from escalating even further.
So that’s how the police became involved.
Her Ex continued to refuse to release the girls to their mother, claiming that the court order was for him to deliver them to her residence. That’s right. He wanted to take the kids all the way to the care centre, where they would have immediately had to turn around to take a bus back downtown. Plus, since my friend was *already* downtown, she would have had to take the bus back to her place with them, so that they could turn around and all 4 of them take the bus back to that exact same bus stop (at which point, they would probably have been too late for the puppet show). Meanwhile, the court order is for him to deliver the children to HER, which he refuses to do if it means he has to take an elevator and walk them to her unit anyhow.
This whole thing ended up taking about an hour at the bus stop, with myself and Eldest joining in about half an hour in.
We did have a great visit, though. Eldest got them to the puppet show, and their demeanor completely changed as soon as they were away from their dad. We were able to stay near the entrance and see the girls inside the room the show was held in, and they were having a blast. Even the younger one, who is normally less demonstrative, was laughing and taking part. After the puppet show, the older one went to look at books with Eldest while her sister waited her turn to use the washroom. That was enough time for her to find several books she wanted to take out. They didn’t have their cards, but my friend had their card numbers, so she tried to take them out. That’s when she found out that her Ex had a note put on their file saying that no books could be taken out without his signature.
Yup. The kids can’t even take out library books without him.
Because he was supposed to meet them in the area anyhow, my friend asked them to set the books aside for possible pick up later, and if they didn’t get picked up by the end of the day, to put them on hold.
After that, we made our way back to the nearby mall where she bought her kids some lunch, then we went to a bookstore and generally just had a great time hanging out. The kids are great fun to be with.
Eventually, it was getting close to the time to meet their dad, so we started heading out. As we got closer to the bus stop, we could see he was already there. My friend encouraged them to run on ahead to their dad, which they did. As soon as they reached him he, without making contact with any of us, turned his back to us and started walking away! No chance for the girls to say proper goodbyes or anything. My friend called one of them back because she’d forgotten her water bottle, but her Ex kept on walking, completely ignoring us. Her daughter heard and ran back, got her water bottle, then had to run to catch up with her dad. She was half way back before he noticed she was no longer with him and turned to see where she was. He was still very deliberate about not making eye contact.
What a petulant child.
Their dad, I mean. The girls are much more mature than their father.
What a ridiculous situation. It just blows my mind when a parent is so obsessed with getting their own way, to get back at their ex, that they don’t care how much it hurts their children. At one point, as we watched the police talking to their parents, the older daughter told Eldest that her parents didn’t argue before their mom ended up in the hospital the first time. Then they started arguing, and haven’t stopped since, and she didn’t know why. They are getting to an age, however, they they’re both seeing that there is something wrong with their dad. Seeing how different their behaviour is when he is around is concerning, too. There is clearly come psychological manipulation happening, there.
*sigh*
Well, whatever happens, I hope we do get to have them stay with us. During our conversation, my friend mentioned the possibility of it being for longer than 3 weeks, which is fine with us. Three weeks, three months, three years, we don’t care. Our home is open to them at any time.
I just wish their dad would grow a pair and be a man who takes responsibility for himself and his family, rather than scamming the welfare system while acting like a spoiled brat.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Just you wait! Your turn is coming! (updated)
Things are still pretty hectic and my writing time is still sporadic, but I wanted to get this down before too much time passed and I forgot too many details. So here is a continuation of our new doctor medical practitioner saga.
Dh had his triple appointment last week. I made a mistake in my last post; I thought we would get to see the actual doctor, but nope, not at all. That appointment turned out to be with someone to help with chronic pain, but still another nurse.
When we came in for his appointment, he went to the receptionist. She looked him up and noted that he was due to see the dietician first, then the diabetes nurse, then the NP. Dh asked, "what about the chronic pain specialist?" The receptionist checked again and corrected herself. The second person was the chronic conditions specialist, who usually sees patients about diabetes, so she had assumed he was there to talk to her about his diabetes. She apologized for the assumption.
Shortly after, we got called in to see the dietician.
It did not go well.
First off, after the introductions, she asked us why Dh was there to see her. It turns out that, while she had been able to look at his file, there was nothing specific about why an appointment was made with her. We just sort of hemmed and hawed a bit, then said we guessed it was because of Dh's diabetes. He's been having difficulties controlling his sugars, especially when the pain gets really bad (as it has been recently). He can't get enough exercise because of the pain, the meds don't seem to be doing very much, so we figured he was there to talk about dietary possibilities.
The rest of the meeting was very disjointed, uncomfortable and... weird. One of the things we found weird was a mannerism; she talked as if we were 5 yr olds. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I'll assume she is used to talking to patients who don't research their own conditions very much - or anything else, for that matter. Who knows?
We were booked for a 1 hour meeting with her and went over time by about 10 minutes. In all that time, we basically came away with:
- eat more vegetables.
- and lentils. (looking things up since then, lentils are on the off list, along with several other foods she mentioned, though plenty of sites promote lentils as some sort of miracle blood sugar controller)
- Dh doesn't have to avoid fruit (even though we told her fruit makes his sugars spike badly)
- margerine is better then butter
- butter and margerine both have 45 calories per teaspoon, and that has something to do with why there's no difference in bioavailability between butter and margerine.
- he should eat yogurt and cheese (yes, we did mention he's lactose intolerant, which is why milk isn't on the list, but he should just take lactase and eat them anyways)
- she thinks Dh, who is 6'1", should only eat 1800 calories a day (that was the level of starvation for men in the Ancel Keyes starvation study during WWII)
Now, Dh's diet sucks. We know that, and it's a point of contention between us. He'll go on about how he needs to eat healthier, but when it comes time to actually sit down for a meal, he eats little or none of the foods he's said he should be eating. When it comes right down to it, though, we already know that the diet that best meets his needs for controlling blood sugar is basically an Atkins or paleo type diet - high protien, plenty of fats, very little carbs. The problem with this is it's friggin' expensive. The price of groceries has been increasing quite a bit over the past couple of years and, though we've increased our grocery budget, (it's looking like I'm going to have to find some way to increase it again soon), it's still not affordable for us to be buying that much meat (and no, vegetable substitutes are not adequate to the job. They may be for others, but not for him). When it comes to stretching the food budget, there's little that can beat the cheapness of high carb foods. They are also a lot easier to work with and work out better as lunches for him at work. For someone who's struggling just to bring his numbers into the single digits (in the Canadian system), that isn't going to work for him. Even whole wheat pasta (which he finds disgusting) causes his sugars to spike, so all pastas would have to be out, along with all breads, potatoes and rice, along with fruit.
Anyhow.
So that meeting wasn't particularly useful, and I found myseld dreading the idea of seeing her myself. Especially since I have even less reason to see her then Dh did, and his appointment seemed to confuse her enough as it was.
Our next appointment was with the chronic care nurse, and I will say right now, she was AWESOME! To begin with, she had a great attitude, which always makes things easier. However, she asked us a lot of questions about his injury (the pain of which was the reason we needed to get a new doctor so urgently in the first place) and his history with it. We also talked about his blood sugars, but it was in relation to everything else. We learned a few new things from her. For example, no one had ever mentioned the need to wash your hands with plain soap and water before using a glucometer to us before. It turns out that just basic sweat on your hands can lead to false high readings. Scented and fancy soaps can also cause false high readings, as can those anti-bacterial hand sanitizers and wipes. "Milking" your pricked finger to get a drop of blood out can also lead to false readings, so it's a good idea to vigorously rub the hands together before using the lancet.
You know what else can lead to elevated blood sugar readings?
Pain.
Of course, Dh has noticed his readings getting wildly higher when he's in a lot of pain, but this is the first time anyone actually said outright that the pain itself has anything to do with it. With every other person, his diabetes was viewed in isolation from his back injury, and since he's started seeing the NP at this new clinic, the focus has been entirely on his diabetes, with almost no discussion about the injury. As I mentioned in my last post, stress is something else that can cause high readings, and he's got plenty of that completely aside from his pain, too.
While we saw her, she took his blood pressure. His BP was normal, though one reading was ever so slightly on the high side of normal compared to the other. His heart rate was really high, so she checked it again. It was still high. No surprise, really. Aside from "white coat syndrome" (his BP readings are always higher in the doctor's office then when taken elsewhere, though they don't usually cross over into the high range), he was in massive amounts of pain at the time - he needed a cane to walk, and was breaking into a sweat from the pain, just sitting there. Or should I say squirming, not sitting, as he constantly had to adjust his position to try and alleviate the pain.
Oh, there was something else that stood out. During the meeting with the dietician, she had asked if we knew what Dh's A1C was. She didn't see one on his file. The last one Dh could remember, it was 9. The chronic care nurse, on the other hand, had no problem finding it in his file. It was 7. That is still higher then recommended, but it is a HUGE improvement from where it had been some time ago. He's cut his A1C to about 1/3rd what it was at one point. She was pleased by that progress.
In the end, there wasn't much she could do for him. He's got his MRI in about 2 weeks. She did say that a major part of controlling his blood sugars is going to be controlling his pain - we're not going to get much progress with his sugars as long as he's having so much trouble with his back. Until she gets the results from the MRI, though, she wasn't going to suggest anything beyond what we're already doing.
Even so, we came out of that meeting pretty happy. She was really refreshing, and we felt confident that she was interested in all of his issues, not just his diabetes. We look forward to seeing her again.
Then there was the appointment with the NP.
*sigh*
Now, the last time he saw her, she'd added 2 more prescriptions to his collection - baby asperin and a low dose blood pressure medication. Note that he does not have high blood pressure, but the combination is to help protect his kidneys from all the other meds he's taking. At least that's what we were told back then.
That's right. Because he's on so many meds, they may be over taxing his kidneys, and the solution is to prescribe more meds.
No, there's no actual evidence that his kidneys are having a problem.
This time, she went over his numbers and latched onto his BP reading. You know, the one that was normal, but had one number on the slightly high side of normal. Both of which were slightly lower then the last time he saw her, so even though the low dose blood pressure medication was prescribed to him as being part of protecting his kidneys, she attributed the slightly lower reading this time to the prescription (because apparently any fluction can only be because of meds). She wanted that second reading to be more in line with the first reading - or at least that was her reasoning - so she doubled the dosage on the BP prescription for him. She also added two new prescriptions. One is a cholesterol medication. Does he have high cholesterol? Of course not. However, his HDL reading was lower then she wanted it to be, so more pills! The other was a low dose anti-depressant. This was the first one that was actually about his pain; it seems that low dose anti-depressants have been found to help with chronic pain. At least that's what she said then; at this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if she says something else the next time he sees her. The first brand of anti-depressant she named was one he'd been put on many years ago and reacted badly to, so she wrote him up for another one we've never heard of before.
As she was writing him up for all these prescriptions, I made a comment about "more pills" for him to take. That's when she looked at me and said,
"Just you wait! Your turn is coming!"
Then, before I had a chance to react, she started talking about when my appointment with her was. It had originally been booked for the afternoon of the same day as Dh's triple appointment, but I hadn't had a chance to take the blood test, so I had rescheduled it to the end of this week. I'm not sure what to make of her reaction, but her promise - threat? - was clear. She already intended to put me on prescriptions, even though she had yet to see any new test results.
I was not impressed.
We finished up the appointment with getting Dh written up for medical leave for a week, on top of the days he'd already missed from the week before because of the pain. By then, he was pretty wasted, so I took him home so he could lay down for a while.
That evening, I took the new prescriptions to the pharmacy. There's one pharmacist I've been dealing with regularly, and he's quite familiar with Dh's file by now. He's also given us a lot of advice and information, and we're quite comfortable asking him questions. I had plenty of them when I gave him the new prescriptions.
I talked to him about the BP medication that got doubled, even though Dh's BP was normal. He was rather taken aback by that. He was also taken aback when I mentioned that Dh had just gotten 2 new prescriptions so recently, and now there was 2 more. On looking at the list, he asked if Dh was having sleep problems. One of the new meds - the anti-depressant - is often prescribed to people as a sleep aid. This rather alarmed me because of Dh's severe obstructive sleep apnea. When I mentioned that, the pharmacist was yet again taken aback that she would prescribe something like this to someone with sleep apnea. That one was to be taken just before going to bed, but the other new one was to be taken in the morning, about half an hour before eating. Dh is already taking something at that time, which I mentioned. The pharmacist did yet another double take and checked the file. It turns out the two meds are contra-indicated! So he changed the instructions so that the old one is still taken half an hour before eating, while the new one can be taken with food.
Then the pharmacist noted the NP's name on the prescriptions and realization seemed to dawn on him. It turns out he's had problems with this NP before - and he's never met or talked to her. He knows her by her prescriptions. Which is pretty interesting, considering this clinic is so new, and she's been there only a couple of months.
Dh is still going to take the new medications, though we have serious reservations about it. He now has 11 different meds that he's on, including an injection, with two of them needing to be taken 3 times a day. Of all those, only the 2 meds related to his back injury are taken as needed, rather then at set times.
There's something very wrong with this.
I've been really unhappy with all this. We called this place looking for a new doctor, and we have yet to see one. The doctor at this clinic we'd originally asked to see comes highly recommended by our pharmacist, I've heard positive comments about her elsewhere, and even Eldest has heard good things about her from someplace else. Instead, we're seeing an NP seems to be a pill pusher and seems to make her decisions not based on actual readings, but her own idea of what things should be - and she's already got me labelled and is eager to put me on prescriptions, too!
So what do we do?
Today, I called and cancelled my appointments with the dietician and the NP and asked for an appointment with this doctor. It turns out I still need to book a meet-and-greet appointment, and the earliest that can be done is in September. That works for me, but Dh can't wait that long. He's stuck seeing the NP for at least a few more times, as we have another follow up appointment before his MRI, then a follow up for the MRI results.
I still have to book an ultrasound for myself - my reason for seeing a doctor is still about the discomfort in my side - but I'm not going to take the fasting glucose test again. When I see the doctor in September, I want to ask for an oral glucose tolerance test instead. Meanwhile, I'm still using Dh's glucometer to test myself, and my non-fasting blood sugar levels are well within the expected ranges for non-diabetics, even based on the printout the dietician gave Dh.
I don't know if I dare hope too much that when I finally see the doctor, it will work out. For all I know, she might be much like the NP. Or she could be more like the chronic care nurse. I don't know. As I've been looking more into the implications of the change in diagnosis for diabetes, the more disturbed I am about it. Will the doctor be just as eager to hang a Sword of Damocles over her patients as the NP?
Before the diagnosis change, 4.0 - 6.9 was considered the "normal" range for blood sugars. 7.0 and up was considered high. Readings below 4 can be dangerous and, for someone with diabetes, readings of 4.5 or lower can be equally dangerous, as their blood sugars can drop so quickly, leading to coma and possibly death. Still, there was a decent range of "normal."
Then the "pre-diabetes" notion showed up, and readings in the 6 range were considered something to worry about, but was still in the normal range. Readings of 4.9 or lower just don't seem to be discussed much anywhere. Now, with a diagnosis of diabetes being made with only a single reading of 6.0 or greater, the range of "normal" is so small, it's almost impossible to not be diagnosed diabetic! It also means that anything under 6 is now "pre-diabetic." So basically, we're all either low blood sugar, "pre-diabetic" or diabetic. How does that even make sense??
So if you're reading this and think you don't have to worry about being diagnosed as a diabetic, just you wait! Your turn is probably coming, too.
update: June 28
Since writing this, I've had a chance dig around some more, and I'm even more pissed with the NP then before. First off, I'm not finding anything, anywhere, that the threshold to diagnose diabetes has changed from => 7.0 to => 6.0 Going through the Canadian Diabetes Association website, not only does it still say 7.0 and higher for a fasting blood glucose, but it also says that no matter what type of test was used, a second test should ALWAYS done before diagnosis.
I noticed something else. For the fasting blood test, everywhere I looked said to fast at least 8 hours. I was told to fast at least 12 hours. As we go without food, our livers begin to release glucose to prevent our cells from starving, so even without eating, our blood sugar levels can go up the longer we go without food. The sites I read also all said that only water is to be ingested during the fasting period. I was told I could only drink a small amount of water in the morning. Lo and behold, there is some sort of relationship between water and blood sugar levels, though the why and how of it is not completely understood. Lack of water can lead to a high blood sugar reading. More importantly for me, lack of water in general also leads to high blood sugar levels. I don't drink much water, as I don't enjoy the taste. Yes, I know, water isn't supposed to have a taste, but ours does. I don't like bottled water, either, as I find they have an unpleasant taste, too (I find Dasani quite salty, for example). Though I do drink things like tea, Coke Zero or iced tea, depending on what we happen to have in the house, I don't drink much of anything overall. I have been recording my food and drink along with my blood sugar readings for the past while. I also been recording all fluids *except* water in my records, though it's still on my mind as I document it all. In the process, I've come to realize that not only am I not eating much, but I'm drinking even less, to the point that dehydration is probably a concern. So here I have yet another possible cause for my one anomalously high fasting blood sugar test.
Not only is my increased level of stress lately a contributing factor; not only is my borderline dehydration another possible contributing factor, but the parameters I was given for my fast were practically a recipe for a higher reading.
And this woman's specialty is diabetes. I find myself thinking of the old saying, that when your only tool is a hammer, everything starts to look like nails.
Dh had his triple appointment last week. I made a mistake in my last post; I thought we would get to see the actual doctor, but nope, not at all. That appointment turned out to be with someone to help with chronic pain, but still another nurse.
When we came in for his appointment, he went to the receptionist. She looked him up and noted that he was due to see the dietician first, then the diabetes nurse, then the NP. Dh asked, "what about the chronic pain specialist?" The receptionist checked again and corrected herself. The second person was the chronic conditions specialist, who usually sees patients about diabetes, so she had assumed he was there to talk to her about his diabetes. She apologized for the assumption.
Shortly after, we got called in to see the dietician.
It did not go well.
First off, after the introductions, she asked us why Dh was there to see her. It turns out that, while she had been able to look at his file, there was nothing specific about why an appointment was made with her. We just sort of hemmed and hawed a bit, then said we guessed it was because of Dh's diabetes. He's been having difficulties controlling his sugars, especially when the pain gets really bad (as it has been recently). He can't get enough exercise because of the pain, the meds don't seem to be doing very much, so we figured he was there to talk about dietary possibilities.
The rest of the meeting was very disjointed, uncomfortable and... weird. One of the things we found weird was a mannerism; she talked as if we were 5 yr olds. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I'll assume she is used to talking to patients who don't research their own conditions very much - or anything else, for that matter. Who knows?
We were booked for a 1 hour meeting with her and went over time by about 10 minutes. In all that time, we basically came away with:
- eat more vegetables.
- and lentils. (looking things up since then, lentils are on the off list, along with several other foods she mentioned, though plenty of sites promote lentils as some sort of miracle blood sugar controller)
- Dh doesn't have to avoid fruit (even though we told her fruit makes his sugars spike badly)
- margerine is better then butter
- butter and margerine both have 45 calories per teaspoon, and that has something to do with why there's no difference in bioavailability between butter and margerine.
- he should eat yogurt and cheese (yes, we did mention he's lactose intolerant, which is why milk isn't on the list, but he should just take lactase and eat them anyways)
- she thinks Dh, who is 6'1", should only eat 1800 calories a day (that was the level of starvation for men in the Ancel Keyes starvation study during WWII)
Now, Dh's diet sucks. We know that, and it's a point of contention between us. He'll go on about how he needs to eat healthier, but when it comes time to actually sit down for a meal, he eats little or none of the foods he's said he should be eating. When it comes right down to it, though, we already know that the diet that best meets his needs for controlling blood sugar is basically an Atkins or paleo type diet - high protien, plenty of fats, very little carbs. The problem with this is it's friggin' expensive. The price of groceries has been increasing quite a bit over the past couple of years and, though we've increased our grocery budget, (it's looking like I'm going to have to find some way to increase it again soon), it's still not affordable for us to be buying that much meat (and no, vegetable substitutes are not adequate to the job. They may be for others, but not for him). When it comes to stretching the food budget, there's little that can beat the cheapness of high carb foods. They are also a lot easier to work with and work out better as lunches for him at work. For someone who's struggling just to bring his numbers into the single digits (in the Canadian system), that isn't going to work for him. Even whole wheat pasta (which he finds disgusting) causes his sugars to spike, so all pastas would have to be out, along with all breads, potatoes and rice, along with fruit.
Anyhow.
So that meeting wasn't particularly useful, and I found myseld dreading the idea of seeing her myself. Especially since I have even less reason to see her then Dh did, and his appointment seemed to confuse her enough as it was.
Our next appointment was with the chronic care nurse, and I will say right now, she was AWESOME! To begin with, she had a great attitude, which always makes things easier. However, she asked us a lot of questions about his injury (the pain of which was the reason we needed to get a new doctor so urgently in the first place) and his history with it. We also talked about his blood sugars, but it was in relation to everything else. We learned a few new things from her. For example, no one had ever mentioned the need to wash your hands with plain soap and water before using a glucometer to us before. It turns out that just basic sweat on your hands can lead to false high readings. Scented and fancy soaps can also cause false high readings, as can those anti-bacterial hand sanitizers and wipes. "Milking" your pricked finger to get a drop of blood out can also lead to false readings, so it's a good idea to vigorously rub the hands together before using the lancet.
You know what else can lead to elevated blood sugar readings?
Pain.
Of course, Dh has noticed his readings getting wildly higher when he's in a lot of pain, but this is the first time anyone actually said outright that the pain itself has anything to do with it. With every other person, his diabetes was viewed in isolation from his back injury, and since he's started seeing the NP at this new clinic, the focus has been entirely on his diabetes, with almost no discussion about the injury. As I mentioned in my last post, stress is something else that can cause high readings, and he's got plenty of that completely aside from his pain, too.
While we saw her, she took his blood pressure. His BP was normal, though one reading was ever so slightly on the high side of normal compared to the other. His heart rate was really high, so she checked it again. It was still high. No surprise, really. Aside from "white coat syndrome" (his BP readings are always higher in the doctor's office then when taken elsewhere, though they don't usually cross over into the high range), he was in massive amounts of pain at the time - he needed a cane to walk, and was breaking into a sweat from the pain, just sitting there. Or should I say squirming, not sitting, as he constantly had to adjust his position to try and alleviate the pain.
Oh, there was something else that stood out. During the meeting with the dietician, she had asked if we knew what Dh's A1C was. She didn't see one on his file. The last one Dh could remember, it was 9. The chronic care nurse, on the other hand, had no problem finding it in his file. It was 7. That is still higher then recommended, but it is a HUGE improvement from where it had been some time ago. He's cut his A1C to about 1/3rd what it was at one point. She was pleased by that progress.
In the end, there wasn't much she could do for him. He's got his MRI in about 2 weeks. She did say that a major part of controlling his blood sugars is going to be controlling his pain - we're not going to get much progress with his sugars as long as he's having so much trouble with his back. Until she gets the results from the MRI, though, she wasn't going to suggest anything beyond what we're already doing.
Even so, we came out of that meeting pretty happy. She was really refreshing, and we felt confident that she was interested in all of his issues, not just his diabetes. We look forward to seeing her again.
Then there was the appointment with the NP.
*sigh*
Now, the last time he saw her, she'd added 2 more prescriptions to his collection - baby asperin and a low dose blood pressure medication. Note that he does not have high blood pressure, but the combination is to help protect his kidneys from all the other meds he's taking. At least that's what we were told back then.
That's right. Because he's on so many meds, they may be over taxing his kidneys, and the solution is to prescribe more meds.
No, there's no actual evidence that his kidneys are having a problem.
This time, she went over his numbers and latched onto his BP reading. You know, the one that was normal, but had one number on the slightly high side of normal. Both of which were slightly lower then the last time he saw her, so even though the low dose blood pressure medication was prescribed to him as being part of protecting his kidneys, she attributed the slightly lower reading this time to the prescription (because apparently any fluction can only be because of meds). She wanted that second reading to be more in line with the first reading - or at least that was her reasoning - so she doubled the dosage on the BP prescription for him. She also added two new prescriptions. One is a cholesterol medication. Does he have high cholesterol? Of course not. However, his HDL reading was lower then she wanted it to be, so more pills! The other was a low dose anti-depressant. This was the first one that was actually about his pain; it seems that low dose anti-depressants have been found to help with chronic pain. At least that's what she said then; at this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if she says something else the next time he sees her. The first brand of anti-depressant she named was one he'd been put on many years ago and reacted badly to, so she wrote him up for another one we've never heard of before.
As she was writing him up for all these prescriptions, I made a comment about "more pills" for him to take. That's when she looked at me and said,
"Just you wait! Your turn is coming!"
Then, before I had a chance to react, she started talking about when my appointment with her was. It had originally been booked for the afternoon of the same day as Dh's triple appointment, but I hadn't had a chance to take the blood test, so I had rescheduled it to the end of this week. I'm not sure what to make of her reaction, but her promise - threat? - was clear. She already intended to put me on prescriptions, even though she had yet to see any new test results.
I was not impressed.
We finished up the appointment with getting Dh written up for medical leave for a week, on top of the days he'd already missed from the week before because of the pain. By then, he was pretty wasted, so I took him home so he could lay down for a while.
That evening, I took the new prescriptions to the pharmacy. There's one pharmacist I've been dealing with regularly, and he's quite familiar with Dh's file by now. He's also given us a lot of advice and information, and we're quite comfortable asking him questions. I had plenty of them when I gave him the new prescriptions.
I talked to him about the BP medication that got doubled, even though Dh's BP was normal. He was rather taken aback by that. He was also taken aback when I mentioned that Dh had just gotten 2 new prescriptions so recently, and now there was 2 more. On looking at the list, he asked if Dh was having sleep problems. One of the new meds - the anti-depressant - is often prescribed to people as a sleep aid. This rather alarmed me because of Dh's severe obstructive sleep apnea. When I mentioned that, the pharmacist was yet again taken aback that she would prescribe something like this to someone with sleep apnea. That one was to be taken just before going to bed, but the other new one was to be taken in the morning, about half an hour before eating. Dh is already taking something at that time, which I mentioned. The pharmacist did yet another double take and checked the file. It turns out the two meds are contra-indicated! So he changed the instructions so that the old one is still taken half an hour before eating, while the new one can be taken with food.
Then the pharmacist noted the NP's name on the prescriptions and realization seemed to dawn on him. It turns out he's had problems with this NP before - and he's never met or talked to her. He knows her by her prescriptions. Which is pretty interesting, considering this clinic is so new, and she's been there only a couple of months.
Dh is still going to take the new medications, though we have serious reservations about it. He now has 11 different meds that he's on, including an injection, with two of them needing to be taken 3 times a day. Of all those, only the 2 meds related to his back injury are taken as needed, rather then at set times.
There's something very wrong with this.
I've been really unhappy with all this. We called this place looking for a new doctor, and we have yet to see one. The doctor at this clinic we'd originally asked to see comes highly recommended by our pharmacist, I've heard positive comments about her elsewhere, and even Eldest has heard good things about her from someplace else. Instead, we're seeing an NP seems to be a pill pusher and seems to make her decisions not based on actual readings, but her own idea of what things should be - and she's already got me labelled and is eager to put me on prescriptions, too!
So what do we do?
Today, I called and cancelled my appointments with the dietician and the NP and asked for an appointment with this doctor. It turns out I still need to book a meet-and-greet appointment, and the earliest that can be done is in September. That works for me, but Dh can't wait that long. He's stuck seeing the NP for at least a few more times, as we have another follow up appointment before his MRI, then a follow up for the MRI results.
I still have to book an ultrasound for myself - my reason for seeing a doctor is still about the discomfort in my side - but I'm not going to take the fasting glucose test again. When I see the doctor in September, I want to ask for an oral glucose tolerance test instead. Meanwhile, I'm still using Dh's glucometer to test myself, and my non-fasting blood sugar levels are well within the expected ranges for non-diabetics, even based on the printout the dietician gave Dh.
I don't know if I dare hope too much that when I finally see the doctor, it will work out. For all I know, she might be much like the NP. Or she could be more like the chronic care nurse. I don't know. As I've been looking more into the implications of the change in diagnosis for diabetes, the more disturbed I am about it. Will the doctor be just as eager to hang a Sword of Damocles over her patients as the NP?
Before the diagnosis change, 4.0 - 6.9 was considered the "normal" range for blood sugars. 7.0 and up was considered high. Readings below 4 can be dangerous and, for someone with diabetes, readings of 4.5 or lower can be equally dangerous, as their blood sugars can drop so quickly, leading to coma and possibly death. Still, there was a decent range of "normal."
Then the "pre-diabetes" notion showed up, and readings in the 6 range were considered something to worry about, but was still in the normal range. Readings of 4.9 or lower just don't seem to be discussed much anywhere. Now, with a diagnosis of diabetes being made with only a single reading of 6.0 or greater, the range of "normal" is so small, it's almost impossible to not be diagnosed diabetic! It also means that anything under 6 is now "pre-diabetic." So basically, we're all either low blood sugar, "pre-diabetic" or diabetic. How does that even make sense??
So if you're reading this and think you don't have to worry about being diagnosed as a diabetic, just you wait! Your turn is probably coming, too.
update: June 28
Since writing this, I've had a chance dig around some more, and I'm even more pissed with the NP then before. First off, I'm not finding anything, anywhere, that the threshold to diagnose diabetes has changed from => 7.0 to => 6.0 Going through the Canadian Diabetes Association website, not only does it still say 7.0 and higher for a fasting blood glucose, but it also says that no matter what type of test was used, a second test should ALWAYS done before diagnosis.
I noticed something else. For the fasting blood test, everywhere I looked said to fast at least 8 hours. I was told to fast at least 12 hours. As we go without food, our livers begin to release glucose to prevent our cells from starving, so even without eating, our blood sugar levels can go up the longer we go without food. The sites I read also all said that only water is to be ingested during the fasting period. I was told I could only drink a small amount of water in the morning. Lo and behold, there is some sort of relationship between water and blood sugar levels, though the why and how of it is not completely understood. Lack of water can lead to a high blood sugar reading. More importantly for me, lack of water in general also leads to high blood sugar levels. I don't drink much water, as I don't enjoy the taste. Yes, I know, water isn't supposed to have a taste, but ours does. I don't like bottled water, either, as I find they have an unpleasant taste, too (I find Dasani quite salty, for example). Though I do drink things like tea, Coke Zero or iced tea, depending on what we happen to have in the house, I don't drink much of anything overall. I have been recording my food and drink along with my blood sugar readings for the past while. I also been recording all fluids *except* water in my records, though it's still on my mind as I document it all. In the process, I've come to realize that not only am I not eating much, but I'm drinking even less, to the point that dehydration is probably a concern. So here I have yet another possible cause for my one anomalously high fasting blood sugar test.
Not only is my increased level of stress lately a contributing factor; not only is my borderline dehydration another possible contributing factor, but the parameters I was given for my fast were practically a recipe for a higher reading.
And this woman's specialty is diabetes. I find myself thinking of the old saying, that when your only tool is a hammer, everything starts to look like nails.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Really?
It's been a while since I've posted - life has been hectic, and there's no sign of things slowing down. We're actually heading into the busiest time of our year, so I don't expect to be posting regularly for a while.
It's probably silly of me to be starting a post now, when it's past 1:30am, but I feel the need for a rant.
First, a bit of background.
We lost our family doctor.
We're not sure what happened to him, other then he went on medical leave and hasn't come back. I had been expecting to hear back about the ultrasound I had done to try and figure out why I'm having pains in my lower left side, near where I had a large cyst removed over a year ago. Though the discomfort is usually mild - it feels like I pulled a muscle or something, except it doesn't go away - it sometimes becomes uncomfortable to the point that I can't sit up straight. Every now and then, there are sharp, shooting pains as well. I figured it would be a good idea to get it checked out, rather then just put up with it, like I normally do with such things.
When I didn't hear from our doctor's office, I figured it was one of those "no news is good news," things; they had no reason to have me come in. Then Dh needed to see the doctor and called to make an appointment. There was an automated message saying the doctor was on leave for medical reasons (which has happened before) and giving the name of a doctor at another clinic that was willing to take our doctor's patients, if needed. We were willing to wait for our own doctor, so never called the other one. Eventually, though, Dh needed to get updated prescriptions and called again.
The number was no longer working. Not even our pharmacist had a working number to get an updated prescription. We ended up having to pay an extra fee for the pharmacy to able to get a 1 month prescription renewal for him.
Dh ended up calling the College of Physicians and Surgeons and, while they didn't know what happened with our doctor, they were able to see that all his files were sent to a holding company in Ottawa!
Long story short, we found ourselves in need of a new family doctor for the 4 of us and, based on a recommendation from our pharmacist, we found one almost immediately at a new health centre just up the block from our pharmacy.
Sort of.
Dh ended up needing to see a doctor quickly, and they were able to get him in on the same day. I made appointments for me and the girls for a meet and greet at the same time.
Except we never actually saw a doctor. Nurse Practitioners (NP) do the majority of the visits with patients now, including being able to prescribe most medications. We all ended up with the same NP. Dh had his visit, got written up for a new and very thorough set of blood tests. The girls and I came back a few days later for our meet and greet appointments, which we were able to do together, saving a whole lot of time.
Before my appointment, they were able to look up the results of the ultrasound for me. The only thing that was found was a 6mm benign cyst on my left kidney - not something that could be causing the discomfort I'm feeling, nor anything of any concern. Also, my liver is slightly larger then expected - a "fatty liver" - but I knew that already from an MRI I had done a few years back. It's also not a health concern. Everything showed healthy. I got written up for a very thorough series of blood tests as well, and that was that.
At this point, I was feeling cautiously optimistic about the situation. Sure, we weren't actually seeing a doctor, but if an NP can do the job, I'm good with that.
Then I came back for a follow up visit.
The results of my blood tests were pretty much as expected. My thyroid is working fine, my cholesterol is fine, my liver had one slightly elevated reading, but that was expected and is not a health concern, etc. There was one reading however, that was off.
My blood sugar was at 8.2 This, apparently, is now considered very high.
Now, I've been pretty aware of my blood sugar levels. When Dh was first (mis)diagnosed as diabetic (the high reading was before he got his CPAP, and it normalized after his sleep apnea was treated) we charted both his and my blood sugars several times a day for a week for comparison. Both were well within normal ranges, though mine were on the low side of normal. Years later, he was re-diagnosed, and this time his blood sugars really were consistently and extremely high. We still tested my blood sugars every now and then, just to compare. 'cause we're like that. Mine continued to test normal.
In all these years, my blood sugars have been well within the normal range, and no sign even of "pre-diabetes." The most recent series of blood tests were about a year ago, and there was nothing odd about them. My blood work has consistently tested right where it was supposed to be.
But with this one reading, she was ready to pronounce me a diabetic.
Now, if this had been my old doctor, I would not have been suspicious or concerned. With the NP, however, there were a few things she said that made me increasingly bothered.
First, there were the comments in regards to diabetes itself. She had some pages printed out from a medical website she referred to as her "Bible." (It turns out diabetes is a specialty of hers.) I can only half remember the name, and in searching for medical websites, I can't find anything even close to what I'm half remembering.
Anyhow, she started reading off about diabetes to me from this printout, including the part that mentioned that the percentage of people with diabetes is 75%. I did a double take, but didn't say anything, as she kept on talking, but this sounded really off. I've looked it up since then, and the Canadian Diabetes Association says that there are 9 million diabetics and pre-diabetics in Canada. Hardly 75%. Did she actually believe that 3 out of 4 people were diabetic, whether they knew it or not? Did I missunderstand what she was saying? Unfortunately, I can't find anything that could clear that up.
The other thing she mentioned was the change in diagnosis. It used to be that a blood sugar reading from 4-6.9 was considered normal, while 7 and up was considered high. Now, anything 6 and up is considered high. Way to make sure lots more people get diagnosed diabetic. (It reminds me of how the range of "normal" weight on the BMI was dropped, rendering millions of people "overweight" in an instant.) It also used to be that it took more then one test to determine if a high reading was not an anomaly, but it hasn't been done that way in a long time. Now, all it takes is a single high fasting blood sugar reading, and that's it. No matter how normal your blood sugars might be after that, you're still considered a diabetic, since diabetes is a chronic condition with no cure.
When I mentioned that this reading was a surprise and an anomaly, she said she was willing to give me "the benefit of the doubt." She wouldn't diagnose me as a diabetic just yet (NPs can now render diagnosis without a doctor, apparently), and wrote me up for another blood test, this one for just fasting blood sugars.
As we were talking, we went back and forth with the other test results as well. When she went back to my liver test, with it's one slightly elevated but not a concern reading, she mentioned treating it with weight loss. ?? If something is not a health concern, why does it need to be treated?
The kicker was when she mentioned the normal thyroid results again, saying that we'd tested my thyroid to rule it out as the cause of my weight.
What? When she wrote me up for blood tests, my weight was never mentioned at any point. She certainly never mentioned anything in particular about testing my thyroid, since she was checking me off for a whole bunch of things that tend not to get tested for very often. She had said she wanted to get a thorough blood work, and that's what I got. The only thing that was mentioned in any other context was when she saw that I had some testing done on my liver in the past - some 5 or 6 years ago - because I'd been put on a prescription that had liver damage as one of the possible side effects. I wasn't on that prescription long, so it was never an issue again. That was partly why testing my liver was thrown on the list, too.
One of the things that she said was that, based on the 8.2 reading, she would put me on metformin. She wasn't going to because of my saying this was an anomalous reading, so she'd wait for a second test to confirm that I'm diabetic. She clearly already thought of me as such.
Because Dh has a series of follow up appointments coming up, she had me book a follow up appointment with her to go over the new test results, plus a dietitian, on the same day as Dh. Hopefully, even at the same times, in that he'd be seeing the dietitian while I was seeing her, then he'd be seeing her while I saw the dietitian. He also has an appointment with the actual doctor, whom we've yet to meet. In the end, they were only able to book me in the afternoon.
Well, I didn't get a chance to take the test, so I've rescheduled my appointments. I have to admit, though, I'm not happy with this.
Now, don't get me wrong. It's entirely possible that I have suddenly become diabetic. That's not how diabetes works, but it's possible. I'm over 40 and fat, so my risk factor is a bit higher, however T2 diabetes has a strong hereditary factor, and both my parents are fat, and there is no diabetes in my family.
What gets me is that, if she really believes that 3 out of 4 patients she sees are diabetic, then she'd have decided I was diabetic right from the start, and before I was tested, simply because... I'm a fat, middle aged woman? Granted, so is she, if not as large as I am, but still...
She also made no attempt to learn more about me. No attempt to figure out why I went from normal health to diabetic within a year. She did ask if I'd gained any weight, and I have - it was something I'd intended to bring up, because it's so unusual. I've gained between 15 and 20 pounds in the space of a few months. Curiously, I have not changed clothing sizes at the same time.
Oh, and we did also discuss the reason I wanted to see a doctor in the first place - the pain in my side. I've been written up for another ultrasound. The previous one was abdominal. This one will be pelvic. Beyond that, she really didn't know what to make of it. It might be because of scarring from my surgery, but that's about all she could think of. Hopefully, the new ultrasound with tell us more.
So I go to see a doctor (or not see one, as the case may be) about a pain in my side, and end up being told I'm fat and most likely diabetic.
From an NP reading off of online printouts with information I can't find anywhere else.
Since the appointment, I've found myself becoming increasingly angry about this. Not because of her diagnosis - if I'm diabetic, then I'm diabetic - but because of the circumstances surrounding it.
Oh, and there was one more thing she said that has perplexed me from the start. Near the end of the appointment, printouts for tests in hand, talking about the follow up appointment with her at the same time as the dietitian (because... I'm fat? She is convinced I'm diabetic?), she gave me this sort of slyly humorous look and said, "you don't have to be diabetic if you don't want to be."
Really?
What does that even mean?? Is she saying that I can just ignore it and pretend I'm not a diabetic? Or is she saying that I can physically choose to not be diabetic? And if that's what she meant, how would I go about doing that? Was it like with the liver test, in that I could "treat" it with weight loss?
I recall when Dh got re-diagnosed diabetic, and he picked up a new glucometer and other stuff the doctor prescribed for him, among the things he got was a booklet about the facts and myths of diabetes. I'd skimmed through it. Among the things the booklet said was, to paraphrase, "it's not your fault that you are diabetic; you did not do anything to cause it," and "if you are overweight, your weight did not cause your diabetes. If you change your diet and exercise to control your blood sugar, you may lose some weight, but you might not, either. Losing weight is not the goal; controlling your blood sugars is." It also stated things like, "no, eating sugar does not cause diabetes, either."
Though I haven't had time to get the blood test done yet, or even make an appointment for an ultrasound, there are a few things I've managed to do. I've borrowed Dh's glucometer, and I've been testing my blood sugars while keeping track of what I eat or drink.
I've also looked up information on diabetes. Here's a list of symptoms for T2 diabetes, and my comments about whether or not I've got them.
Unusual thirst - no
Frequent urination - no
Weight change (gain or loss) - most sites just mention weight LOSS, not weight gain. During the appointment, the NP said that my weight gain was probably a symptom, then mentioned weight loss as something that happens after many years.
Extreme fatigue or lack of energy - no. The only time I feel extreme fatigue is when I haven't slept.
Blurred vision - no, except when I haven't slept
Frequent or recurring infections - no
Cuts and bruises that are slow to heal - no
Tingling or numbness in the hands or feet - no
Trouble getting or maintaining an erection - n/a
Granted, diabetes can also be asymptomatic, so not having symptoms does not mean no diabetes. What about risk factors? Here's another list, with my comments added.
Being:
A member of a high-risk group (Aboriginal, Hispanic, Asian, South Asian or African descent) - no
Overweight (especially if you carry most of your weight around your middle) - yes
Having:
A parent, brother or sister with diabetes - no
Health complications that are associated with diabetes - no
Given birth to a baby that weighed more than 4 kg (9 lb) - one was 9 lbs 6 ozs, and there was nothing the least bit unusual suggested because of it; quite the opposite. She's about to turn 16, so I think if that was a contributing factor, it would have shown up a lot earlier.
Had gestational diabetes (diabetes during pregnancy) - no
Impaired glucose tolerance or impaired fasting glucose - no
High blood pressure - no
High cholesterol or other fats in the blood - no
Been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, acanthosis nigricans (darkened patches of skin), or schizophrenia - no
The thing that made me most curious is why I would suddenly have a high blood sugar reading after all these years of testing normal. It turns out that there are a few things that cause blood sugars to right in non-diabetics. One is simply eating lots of carbs. Not usually an issue with me. Another is liver function. Since our bodies always need glucose, our livers store it for later release when we're sleeping, which is why our blood sugars can be elevated in the morning, before we've eaten anything. Other possibilities are illness and medication related, which doesn't apply to me, unless I count the discomfort in my side as an illness.
Then there was stress. At first thought, I dismissed it, as I don't really think of my life as being stressful. Then I thought about it and realized that, yeah, life has been VERY stressful lately! In fact, once I started thinking about things, the list of stressers in my life right now is pretty friggin' long! Some of them have been going on for quite a while now, with no respite. So, yeah, stress could very well have something to do with that high fasting reading.
And what about the non-fasting readings I've been taking?
When talking to the NP about the diagnosis change in what's considered a high reading while fasting (from 7 to 6), I mentioned testing my blood to compare with Dh's, and that my numbers tended to the low side, not the high side. She casually mentioned that 11 was normal for non-fasting numbers.
After keeping track for a few days (none of my numbers hit the 11 mark she mentioned, though I did get one that eeked above 10 after a restaurant meal), I went digging around for a chart of what normal, non-fasting readings throughout the day should be. It was hard to find anything to say what's normal for non-diabetics (or any with the scale used in Canada), but from what I have found, my readings fall into the good to excellent range - and that's a very small range according to the charts and sites I looked at! That 11 she mentioned, by the way, was considered high in all the charts I found, so again, I don't know what she was talking about.
As you can imagine, my confidence in the NP has faded dramatically. I don't want to go back to her. I plan to get that second test done, but I don't want to go back to her to go over the results. I sure as heck don't want to talk to a dietitian. Somehow, I don't think that is going to go ever well. You see, I discovered something else I was not aware of while keeping these records. Or should I say, not aware of how bad it was.
I'm not eating anywhere near enough!
I don't obsess with eating or calorie counting, but I do have a problem when I start feeling hungry. The hungrier I am, the less appetite I have, and the longer I tend to delay eating. Even so, with my blood sugars normally tending to be low, I have long known I need to eat regularly to prevent them from dropping too much. I try to, but things tend to get in the way and, before I know it, it's 2 or 3 in the afternoon, and I haven't had breakfast yet. Some days, I've barely managed to eat a single meal. I've been doing that far too often. I hadn't realized how bad I had gotten.
Somehow, I don't think a dietitian is going see me and my big round belly and bodacious butt and believe that I hardly eat. I could be wrong and I don't want to prejudge someone I haven't met yet, but I'm already discouraged by what's going on with the NP.
I miss my doctor.
It's probably silly of me to be starting a post now, when it's past 1:30am, but I feel the need for a rant.
First, a bit of background.
We lost our family doctor.
We're not sure what happened to him, other then he went on medical leave and hasn't come back. I had been expecting to hear back about the ultrasound I had done to try and figure out why I'm having pains in my lower left side, near where I had a large cyst removed over a year ago. Though the discomfort is usually mild - it feels like I pulled a muscle or something, except it doesn't go away - it sometimes becomes uncomfortable to the point that I can't sit up straight. Every now and then, there are sharp, shooting pains as well. I figured it would be a good idea to get it checked out, rather then just put up with it, like I normally do with such things.
When I didn't hear from our doctor's office, I figured it was one of those "no news is good news," things; they had no reason to have me come in. Then Dh needed to see the doctor and called to make an appointment. There was an automated message saying the doctor was on leave for medical reasons (which has happened before) and giving the name of a doctor at another clinic that was willing to take our doctor's patients, if needed. We were willing to wait for our own doctor, so never called the other one. Eventually, though, Dh needed to get updated prescriptions and called again.
The number was no longer working. Not even our pharmacist had a working number to get an updated prescription. We ended up having to pay an extra fee for the pharmacy to able to get a 1 month prescription renewal for him.
Dh ended up calling the College of Physicians and Surgeons and, while they didn't know what happened with our doctor, they were able to see that all his files were sent to a holding company in Ottawa!
Long story short, we found ourselves in need of a new family doctor for the 4 of us and, based on a recommendation from our pharmacist, we found one almost immediately at a new health centre just up the block from our pharmacy.
Sort of.
Dh ended up needing to see a doctor quickly, and they were able to get him in on the same day. I made appointments for me and the girls for a meet and greet at the same time.
Except we never actually saw a doctor. Nurse Practitioners (NP) do the majority of the visits with patients now, including being able to prescribe most medications. We all ended up with the same NP. Dh had his visit, got written up for a new and very thorough set of blood tests. The girls and I came back a few days later for our meet and greet appointments, which we were able to do together, saving a whole lot of time.
Before my appointment, they were able to look up the results of the ultrasound for me. The only thing that was found was a 6mm benign cyst on my left kidney - not something that could be causing the discomfort I'm feeling, nor anything of any concern. Also, my liver is slightly larger then expected - a "fatty liver" - but I knew that already from an MRI I had done a few years back. It's also not a health concern. Everything showed healthy. I got written up for a very thorough series of blood tests as well, and that was that.
At this point, I was feeling cautiously optimistic about the situation. Sure, we weren't actually seeing a doctor, but if an NP can do the job, I'm good with that.
Then I came back for a follow up visit.
The results of my blood tests were pretty much as expected. My thyroid is working fine, my cholesterol is fine, my liver had one slightly elevated reading, but that was expected and is not a health concern, etc. There was one reading however, that was off.
My blood sugar was at 8.2 This, apparently, is now considered very high.
Now, I've been pretty aware of my blood sugar levels. When Dh was first (mis)diagnosed as diabetic (the high reading was before he got his CPAP, and it normalized after his sleep apnea was treated) we charted both his and my blood sugars several times a day for a week for comparison. Both were well within normal ranges, though mine were on the low side of normal. Years later, he was re-diagnosed, and this time his blood sugars really were consistently and extremely high. We still tested my blood sugars every now and then, just to compare. 'cause we're like that. Mine continued to test normal.
In all these years, my blood sugars have been well within the normal range, and no sign even of "pre-diabetes." The most recent series of blood tests were about a year ago, and there was nothing odd about them. My blood work has consistently tested right where it was supposed to be.
But with this one reading, she was ready to pronounce me a diabetic.
Now, if this had been my old doctor, I would not have been suspicious or concerned. With the NP, however, there were a few things she said that made me increasingly bothered.
First, there were the comments in regards to diabetes itself. She had some pages printed out from a medical website she referred to as her "Bible." (It turns out diabetes is a specialty of hers.) I can only half remember the name, and in searching for medical websites, I can't find anything even close to what I'm half remembering.
Anyhow, she started reading off about diabetes to me from this printout, including the part that mentioned that the percentage of people with diabetes is 75%. I did a double take, but didn't say anything, as she kept on talking, but this sounded really off. I've looked it up since then, and the Canadian Diabetes Association says that there are 9 million diabetics and pre-diabetics in Canada. Hardly 75%. Did she actually believe that 3 out of 4 people were diabetic, whether they knew it or not? Did I missunderstand what she was saying? Unfortunately, I can't find anything that could clear that up.
The other thing she mentioned was the change in diagnosis. It used to be that a blood sugar reading from 4-6.9 was considered normal, while 7 and up was considered high. Now, anything 6 and up is considered high. Way to make sure lots more people get diagnosed diabetic. (It reminds me of how the range of "normal" weight on the BMI was dropped, rendering millions of people "overweight" in an instant.) It also used to be that it took more then one test to determine if a high reading was not an anomaly, but it hasn't been done that way in a long time. Now, all it takes is a single high fasting blood sugar reading, and that's it. No matter how normal your blood sugars might be after that, you're still considered a diabetic, since diabetes is a chronic condition with no cure.
When I mentioned that this reading was a surprise and an anomaly, she said she was willing to give me "the benefit of the doubt." She wouldn't diagnose me as a diabetic just yet (NPs can now render diagnosis without a doctor, apparently), and wrote me up for another blood test, this one for just fasting blood sugars.
As we were talking, we went back and forth with the other test results as well. When she went back to my liver test, with it's one slightly elevated but not a concern reading, she mentioned treating it with weight loss. ?? If something is not a health concern, why does it need to be treated?
The kicker was when she mentioned the normal thyroid results again, saying that we'd tested my thyroid to rule it out as the cause of my weight.
What? When she wrote me up for blood tests, my weight was never mentioned at any point. She certainly never mentioned anything in particular about testing my thyroid, since she was checking me off for a whole bunch of things that tend not to get tested for very often. She had said she wanted to get a thorough blood work, and that's what I got. The only thing that was mentioned in any other context was when she saw that I had some testing done on my liver in the past - some 5 or 6 years ago - because I'd been put on a prescription that had liver damage as one of the possible side effects. I wasn't on that prescription long, so it was never an issue again. That was partly why testing my liver was thrown on the list, too.
One of the things that she said was that, based on the 8.2 reading, she would put me on metformin. She wasn't going to because of my saying this was an anomalous reading, so she'd wait for a second test to confirm that I'm diabetic. She clearly already thought of me as such.
Because Dh has a series of follow up appointments coming up, she had me book a follow up appointment with her to go over the new test results, plus a dietitian, on the same day as Dh. Hopefully, even at the same times, in that he'd be seeing the dietitian while I was seeing her, then he'd be seeing her while I saw the dietitian. He also has an appointment with the actual doctor, whom we've yet to meet. In the end, they were only able to book me in the afternoon.
Well, I didn't get a chance to take the test, so I've rescheduled my appointments. I have to admit, though, I'm not happy with this.
Now, don't get me wrong. It's entirely possible that I have suddenly become diabetic. That's not how diabetes works, but it's possible. I'm over 40 and fat, so my risk factor is a bit higher, however T2 diabetes has a strong hereditary factor, and both my parents are fat, and there is no diabetes in my family.
What gets me is that, if she really believes that 3 out of 4 patients she sees are diabetic, then she'd have decided I was diabetic right from the start, and before I was tested, simply because... I'm a fat, middle aged woman? Granted, so is she, if not as large as I am, but still...
She also made no attempt to learn more about me. No attempt to figure out why I went from normal health to diabetic within a year. She did ask if I'd gained any weight, and I have - it was something I'd intended to bring up, because it's so unusual. I've gained between 15 and 20 pounds in the space of a few months. Curiously, I have not changed clothing sizes at the same time.
Oh, and we did also discuss the reason I wanted to see a doctor in the first place - the pain in my side. I've been written up for another ultrasound. The previous one was abdominal. This one will be pelvic. Beyond that, she really didn't know what to make of it. It might be because of scarring from my surgery, but that's about all she could think of. Hopefully, the new ultrasound with tell us more.
So I go to see a doctor (or not see one, as the case may be) about a pain in my side, and end up being told I'm fat and most likely diabetic.
From an NP reading off of online printouts with information I can't find anywhere else.
Since the appointment, I've found myself becoming increasingly angry about this. Not because of her diagnosis - if I'm diabetic, then I'm diabetic - but because of the circumstances surrounding it.
Oh, and there was one more thing she said that has perplexed me from the start. Near the end of the appointment, printouts for tests in hand, talking about the follow up appointment with her at the same time as the dietitian (because... I'm fat? She is convinced I'm diabetic?), she gave me this sort of slyly humorous look and said, "you don't have to be diabetic if you don't want to be."
Really?
What does that even mean?? Is she saying that I can just ignore it and pretend I'm not a diabetic? Or is she saying that I can physically choose to not be diabetic? And if that's what she meant, how would I go about doing that? Was it like with the liver test, in that I could "treat" it with weight loss?
I recall when Dh got re-diagnosed diabetic, and he picked up a new glucometer and other stuff the doctor prescribed for him, among the things he got was a booklet about the facts and myths of diabetes. I'd skimmed through it. Among the things the booklet said was, to paraphrase, "it's not your fault that you are diabetic; you did not do anything to cause it," and "if you are overweight, your weight did not cause your diabetes. If you change your diet and exercise to control your blood sugar, you may lose some weight, but you might not, either. Losing weight is not the goal; controlling your blood sugars is." It also stated things like, "no, eating sugar does not cause diabetes, either."
Though I haven't had time to get the blood test done yet, or even make an appointment for an ultrasound, there are a few things I've managed to do. I've borrowed Dh's glucometer, and I've been testing my blood sugars while keeping track of what I eat or drink.
I've also looked up information on diabetes. Here's a list of symptoms for T2 diabetes, and my comments about whether or not I've got them.
Unusual thirst - no
Frequent urination - no
Weight change (gain or loss) - most sites just mention weight LOSS, not weight gain. During the appointment, the NP said that my weight gain was probably a symptom, then mentioned weight loss as something that happens after many years.
Extreme fatigue or lack of energy - no. The only time I feel extreme fatigue is when I haven't slept.
Blurred vision - no, except when I haven't slept
Frequent or recurring infections - no
Cuts and bruises that are slow to heal - no
Tingling or numbness in the hands or feet - no
Trouble getting or maintaining an erection - n/a
Granted, diabetes can also be asymptomatic, so not having symptoms does not mean no diabetes. What about risk factors? Here's another list, with my comments added.
Being:
A member of a high-risk group (Aboriginal, Hispanic, Asian, South Asian or African descent) - no
Overweight (especially if you carry most of your weight around your middle) - yes
Having:
A parent, brother or sister with diabetes - no
Health complications that are associated with diabetes - no
Given birth to a baby that weighed more than 4 kg (9 lb) - one was 9 lbs 6 ozs, and there was nothing the least bit unusual suggested because of it; quite the opposite. She's about to turn 16, so I think if that was a contributing factor, it would have shown up a lot earlier.
Had gestational diabetes (diabetes during pregnancy) - no
Impaired glucose tolerance or impaired fasting glucose - no
High blood pressure - no
High cholesterol or other fats in the blood - no
Been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, acanthosis nigricans (darkened patches of skin), or schizophrenia - no
The thing that made me most curious is why I would suddenly have a high blood sugar reading after all these years of testing normal. It turns out that there are a few things that cause blood sugars to right in non-diabetics. One is simply eating lots of carbs. Not usually an issue with me. Another is liver function. Since our bodies always need glucose, our livers store it for later release when we're sleeping, which is why our blood sugars can be elevated in the morning, before we've eaten anything. Other possibilities are illness and medication related, which doesn't apply to me, unless I count the discomfort in my side as an illness.
Then there was stress. At first thought, I dismissed it, as I don't really think of my life as being stressful. Then I thought about it and realized that, yeah, life has been VERY stressful lately! In fact, once I started thinking about things, the list of stressers in my life right now is pretty friggin' long! Some of them have been going on for quite a while now, with no respite. So, yeah, stress could very well have something to do with that high fasting reading.
And what about the non-fasting readings I've been taking?
When talking to the NP about the diagnosis change in what's considered a high reading while fasting (from 7 to 6), I mentioned testing my blood to compare with Dh's, and that my numbers tended to the low side, not the high side. She casually mentioned that 11 was normal for non-fasting numbers.
After keeping track for a few days (none of my numbers hit the 11 mark she mentioned, though I did get one that eeked above 10 after a restaurant meal), I went digging around for a chart of what normal, non-fasting readings throughout the day should be. It was hard to find anything to say what's normal for non-diabetics (or any with the scale used in Canada), but from what I have found, my readings fall into the good to excellent range - and that's a very small range according to the charts and sites I looked at! That 11 she mentioned, by the way, was considered high in all the charts I found, so again, I don't know what she was talking about.
As you can imagine, my confidence in the NP has faded dramatically. I don't want to go back to her. I plan to get that second test done, but I don't want to go back to her to go over the results. I sure as heck don't want to talk to a dietitian. Somehow, I don't think that is going to go ever well. You see, I discovered something else I was not aware of while keeping these records. Or should I say, not aware of how bad it was.
I'm not eating anywhere near enough!
I don't obsess with eating or calorie counting, but I do have a problem when I start feeling hungry. The hungrier I am, the less appetite I have, and the longer I tend to delay eating. Even so, with my blood sugars normally tending to be low, I have long known I need to eat regularly to prevent them from dropping too much. I try to, but things tend to get in the way and, before I know it, it's 2 or 3 in the afternoon, and I haven't had breakfast yet. Some days, I've barely managed to eat a single meal. I've been doing that far too often. I hadn't realized how bad I had gotten.
Somehow, I don't think a dietitian is going see me and my big round belly and bodacious butt and believe that I hardly eat. I could be wrong and I don't want to prejudge someone I haven't met yet, but I'm already discouraged by what's going on with the NP.
I miss my doctor.
Monday, November 07, 2011
Royally pissed
I am NOT a happy camper.
In the last few months, our van has been showing signs of electrical problems affecting our lights. First, the right headlight stopped working. We'd just changed the bulbs after the left headlight had burnt out, so this was unexpected. We tried changing it again, but still nothing. It did, however, suddenly start working again, then stop. Clearly, the bulb was not burnt out.
Then the dashboard brake light starting turning on. This is supposed to be the light that warns you if there's a problem with your brakes, so when it first started, that's what I was thinking was the problem. However, it would turn on and off intermittently, usually without the dinging noise that 's supposed to accompany it when it turns on.
Not good.
Eventually, we noticed that the rear driver's lights stopped working. Then they started again. Except for the hazard light. When opening the sliding doors, the van's hazard lights turn on, but the one on the rear driver's side wouldn't turn on or blink.
Oh, and then there was the signal lights. First, the left signal started blinking at double time. The light was working at the front (we could see it blinking furiously in the reflections of cars in front of us) but wasn't working in the rear. I think. It's not like we could see it while driving, but when we tested it, it wasn't blinking at the time. With those lights not being reliable anymore anyhow, I had no idea when or if the left signal light was turning on at the rear at any given time.
The right turn signal had been fine until very recently. What started to happen is that I'd signal right, it would start blinking, then suddenly start signalling left (which we could hear happen because of the different speeds), then back again. Or they would simply not turn on, left or right.
In the last week or so, as temperatures have been dropping, our front headlight suddenly started working again. Temporarily. It was still off more often then on, but it did work on occasion. The signal lights switching from right to left or stopping completely hasn't happened in a while, but obviously I'm still concerned that it will happen again. No change in the dashboard brake light.
When we bought the van, we got their highest level of insurance coverage for repairs, but we still didn't know if it would be covered. There's a list of things that aren't covered by any of their plans - switches, bulbs, certain parts, etc. It left me unclear as to whether or not we would be covered. Despite several attempts to find out, we never got any response to our questions about it. They did try to sell us a newer vehicle, which we would have been willing to look into if we hadn't encountered several other problems.
I ended up calling the insurance company directly. I was quite happy with the information I got from then. As to whether or not our problem would be covered, we'd have to know what it was, first. That required a diagnostic. Though we could have hunted for another garage that would honor the coverage we bought at the dealership, the guy I spoke to told me they deal with our dealership's garage on a daily basis and he suggested I do go there, as they would be more familiar with the coverage than others. We talked for quite a while and I am happy with them and how they keep an eye on things, but I have little trust in garages. We got burned badly in the past and know how prevalent scamming by garages is.
Long story short, I ended up taking the van in this morning. After considerable time spent describing the problem, which the woman helping me inputted into the computer, printed out, got me to check (I spotted an error) and sign, I got a shuttle ride home. They were going to do the diagnostic, then call us later. I was told (and I was expecting this after talking to the insurance company) that if the problem was not covered by our insurance, we would be on the hook for the diagnostic - at $140 an hour, with the possibility of needing up to 2 hours. It turns out the airbag on our van has been recalled, so that was going to get done either way, and there was the tentative push to get an oil change and have our brake fluids done, which I said no to (neither is covered by our insurance). There would also be a complimentary inspection, which we apparently had as a purchase perk but had never used.
Of course they called while I was away, but Dh was there to answer. He was told it would cost us $50 on our deductible (which is $100) to fix the problem, which was covered by our insurance, another $60 for bulbs, and they made recommendations to get our break pads changed up, among a few other things that turned up in the inspection. He said no to anything that wasn't what we'd brought it in for, but gave the okay for that part.
Eventually, we got the phone call that the van was ready. A relief, since Eldest has a 5am shift to get to, and there are no buses running that time of day. I called for the shuttle to pick me up and headed over. It turned out that I got there basically as they were closing for 6pm. The woman that had helped me with the paperwork before was staying late to process my file. This was not really a good thing, as she was new to the job and there was no one there to help her out when she needed it. Anyhow, on top of the deductible, the bulbs and parts added another $156 to the bill. She wasn't able to close the file because there was no one to help her out, but she processed what she could, I paid the bill, and she promised to call me tomorrow to take care of the details she couldn't finish up. I got my key then went hunting for the van.
It took me a while, but I did find it.
First problem?
Right away I noticed they hadn't taken off the plastic on the seat from it being worked on. Okay, fine. Then I tried to get to the driver's side door, but there was a truck parked next to it and I really didn't want to squeeze though (I'd already had to do that getting out of the shuttle van), so I went in through the passenger side. That's one of the things I like about the van - it's easy to do that.
After clearing the plastic off the seat and the cardboard off the floor, I took the time to text Dh that I'd be heading out and stopping at a grocery store on the way home. Then I started backing out.
First, I immediately noticed an odd noise. A sort of grinding noise as I turned the steering wheel, as if something were loose somewhere. Once I started driving straight, then turned left to leave the lot, it wasn't there anymore. Hmmm. And that new headlight must be really misaligned or something, because I can't see it. I start driving down the road and...
Ding!
The brake light on the dash turns on, then immediately turns off.
!#%$@#$^%
I keep on driving and as I make my way, I notice that the grinding noise happens when I turn right, then straighten the wheel, but doesn't seem to happen with I turn left then straighten the wheel.
Joy.
I stop at a grocery store along the way, pull into a parking spot behind another car and immediately notice a reflection.
Or lack of it.
I still have only one headlight!
By this time, I was royally pissed. I texted Dh to let him know (you can imagine how thrilled he was with the news), then headed into the grocery store, did some quick shopping, then headed home. Grinding noise still there. Brake light turning on and off, but no longer dinging. The signal light was working fine, at least.
When I park at home I get out and check the lights. Front, just one headlight (but the amber lights are working). I check the rear lights and they seem to be on. I open one of the sliding doors.
No hazard lights. At all.
I close the door and turn on the hazard lights. They're working fine. They're just not turning on when the sliding door is opened.
So not only do I still have one headlight out, still have the dashboard brake light flickering like a Christmas tree, but now the hazard lights when the sliding doors are opened no longer start up at all and I've got a grinding noise that wasn't there before.
Our van is in worse condition coming back then when we took it in.
Being closed, there's nothing I can do about it until tomorrow.
They are going to get a major earful when I talk to them tomorrow.
In the last few months, our van has been showing signs of electrical problems affecting our lights. First, the right headlight stopped working. We'd just changed the bulbs after the left headlight had burnt out, so this was unexpected. We tried changing it again, but still nothing. It did, however, suddenly start working again, then stop. Clearly, the bulb was not burnt out.
Then the dashboard brake light starting turning on. This is supposed to be the light that warns you if there's a problem with your brakes, so when it first started, that's what I was thinking was the problem. However, it would turn on and off intermittently, usually without the dinging noise that 's supposed to accompany it when it turns on.
Not good.
Eventually, we noticed that the rear driver's lights stopped working. Then they started again. Except for the hazard light. When opening the sliding doors, the van's hazard lights turn on, but the one on the rear driver's side wouldn't turn on or blink.
Oh, and then there was the signal lights. First, the left signal started blinking at double time. The light was working at the front (we could see it blinking furiously in the reflections of cars in front of us) but wasn't working in the rear. I think. It's not like we could see it while driving, but when we tested it, it wasn't blinking at the time. With those lights not being reliable anymore anyhow, I had no idea when or if the left signal light was turning on at the rear at any given time.
The right turn signal had been fine until very recently. What started to happen is that I'd signal right, it would start blinking, then suddenly start signalling left (which we could hear happen because of the different speeds), then back again. Or they would simply not turn on, left or right.
In the last week or so, as temperatures have been dropping, our front headlight suddenly started working again. Temporarily. It was still off more often then on, but it did work on occasion. The signal lights switching from right to left or stopping completely hasn't happened in a while, but obviously I'm still concerned that it will happen again. No change in the dashboard brake light.
When we bought the van, we got their highest level of insurance coverage for repairs, but we still didn't know if it would be covered. There's a list of things that aren't covered by any of their plans - switches, bulbs, certain parts, etc. It left me unclear as to whether or not we would be covered. Despite several attempts to find out, we never got any response to our questions about it. They did try to sell us a newer vehicle, which we would have been willing to look into if we hadn't encountered several other problems.
I ended up calling the insurance company directly. I was quite happy with the information I got from then. As to whether or not our problem would be covered, we'd have to know what it was, first. That required a diagnostic. Though we could have hunted for another garage that would honor the coverage we bought at the dealership, the guy I spoke to told me they deal with our dealership's garage on a daily basis and he suggested I do go there, as they would be more familiar with the coverage than others. We talked for quite a while and I am happy with them and how they keep an eye on things, but I have little trust in garages. We got burned badly in the past and know how prevalent scamming by garages is.
Long story short, I ended up taking the van in this morning. After considerable time spent describing the problem, which the woman helping me inputted into the computer, printed out, got me to check (I spotted an error) and sign, I got a shuttle ride home. They were going to do the diagnostic, then call us later. I was told (and I was expecting this after talking to the insurance company) that if the problem was not covered by our insurance, we would be on the hook for the diagnostic - at $140 an hour, with the possibility of needing up to 2 hours. It turns out the airbag on our van has been recalled, so that was going to get done either way, and there was the tentative push to get an oil change and have our brake fluids done, which I said no to (neither is covered by our insurance). There would also be a complimentary inspection, which we apparently had as a purchase perk but had never used.
Of course they called while I was away, but Dh was there to answer. He was told it would cost us $50 on our deductible (which is $100) to fix the problem, which was covered by our insurance, another $60 for bulbs, and they made recommendations to get our break pads changed up, among a few other things that turned up in the inspection. He said no to anything that wasn't what we'd brought it in for, but gave the okay for that part.
Eventually, we got the phone call that the van was ready. A relief, since Eldest has a 5am shift to get to, and there are no buses running that time of day. I called for the shuttle to pick me up and headed over. It turned out that I got there basically as they were closing for 6pm. The woman that had helped me with the paperwork before was staying late to process my file. This was not really a good thing, as she was new to the job and there was no one there to help her out when she needed it. Anyhow, on top of the deductible, the bulbs and parts added another $156 to the bill. She wasn't able to close the file because there was no one to help her out, but she processed what she could, I paid the bill, and she promised to call me tomorrow to take care of the details she couldn't finish up. I got my key then went hunting for the van.
It took me a while, but I did find it.
First problem?
Right away I noticed they hadn't taken off the plastic on the seat from it being worked on. Okay, fine. Then I tried to get to the driver's side door, but there was a truck parked next to it and I really didn't want to squeeze though (I'd already had to do that getting out of the shuttle van), so I went in through the passenger side. That's one of the things I like about the van - it's easy to do that.
After clearing the plastic off the seat and the cardboard off the floor, I took the time to text Dh that I'd be heading out and stopping at a grocery store on the way home. Then I started backing out.
First, I immediately noticed an odd noise. A sort of grinding noise as I turned the steering wheel, as if something were loose somewhere. Once I started driving straight, then turned left to leave the lot, it wasn't there anymore. Hmmm. And that new headlight must be really misaligned or something, because I can't see it. I start driving down the road and...
Ding!
The brake light on the dash turns on, then immediately turns off.
!#%$@#$^%
I keep on driving and as I make my way, I notice that the grinding noise happens when I turn right, then straighten the wheel, but doesn't seem to happen with I turn left then straighten the wheel.
Joy.
I stop at a grocery store along the way, pull into a parking spot behind another car and immediately notice a reflection.
Or lack of it.
I still have only one headlight!
By this time, I was royally pissed. I texted Dh to let him know (you can imagine how thrilled he was with the news), then headed into the grocery store, did some quick shopping, then headed home. Grinding noise still there. Brake light turning on and off, but no longer dinging. The signal light was working fine, at least.
When I park at home I get out and check the lights. Front, just one headlight (but the amber lights are working). I check the rear lights and they seem to be on. I open one of the sliding doors.
No hazard lights. At all.
I close the door and turn on the hazard lights. They're working fine. They're just not turning on when the sliding door is opened.
So not only do I still have one headlight out, still have the dashboard brake light flickering like a Christmas tree, but now the hazard lights when the sliding doors are opened no longer start up at all and I've got a grinding noise that wasn't there before.
Our van is in worse condition coming back then when we took it in.
Being closed, there's nothing I can do about it until tomorrow.
They are going to get a major earful when I talk to them tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Catch phrase activism
I've got a photo heavy post for you today.
Youngest and I headed over to the library this evening. Our usual routine, when the budget allows, is to sit for a while in the Second Cup that is in the library, chat, do some crochet, whatever. Unfortunately it's closed for renovations right now, so we were going to go across the street to a fair trade coffee shop. On finding it was going to close within 10 minutes, we headed into a nearby mall where we thought we might get some bubble tea. Everything there was closed. We still wanted to go somewhere, so we headed a couple of blocks over to a Tim Horton's we knew would be open later.
It just happens to be directly across the street from where the local Occupy group is squatting in a private park. They were supposed to be gone this morning, but from what I read in the paper, they apparently had an hour-long meeting and decided they wouldn't leave. The owners have granted them an extra day, but there's no word yet on what's going to happen tomorrow.
We couldn't see much of what was going on. It was rather dark, so all we could see were a few signs and the edges of tarps and tents light up by the street lights, and shadows in the background. It's a small park holding a small group of people. We didn't go across to see more. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of going past there in the dark with my 15 yr old daughter. My older daughter, sure. Eldest is a more assertive, confident type that people tend to leave alone. Youngest, unfortunately, has the sort of demeanor that has every passing drunk shouting "yeehaw!!" when they see her walk by in her cowboy hat and duster, and every aggressive panhandler aims for. I have less concerns about her walking along past the federal prison near us at night than walking alone down the main thoroughfare downtown. The types of people that come out are very different.
Though we didn't go across the street, we found something else. Leaving through a different entrance, we found a bunch of chalk writing on the sidewalk. Only in front of the Tim Horton's, though. I found this interesting, since there's a CIBC at the other end of the complex. I thought the occupiers were against banks? Perhaps walking to the other end of the block was too much effort.
For those outside of Canada, the CIBC is the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce. The complex is even called Commerce Place. It's tenants include not only the Timmies we were at, but everything from a radio station, corporate offices and retail outlets, including an organic restaurant/bakery/mini-grocery store that specializes in all natural, sustainable fare. It's always a very busy place, too. An excellent example of capitalism, actually. Among the services it offers is a meal delivery service, where people can order prepared, hot organic meals for regular delivery. They know how to give their customer base what it wants, and are very successful at it.
Speaking of capitalism, here's one of the sidewalk phrases we found.
It reads, "capitalism kills love - you decide - love kills capitalism."
In interesting sentiment. According to this, people have to chose between love and capitalism. Either choice is violent, resulting in the death of the other. Fascinating. False dichotomies like this are really popular. It makes me wonder what the writer thinks capitalism is. Somehow, I don't think they mean the organic food store I mentioned above.
This one reads, "we'll see you at the barricades." I didn't see any, but it was dark. There may have been some across the street, but I've no idea where.
"Communize."
I'm not sure what this means. It could be a reference to communism as a form of government. Or it could be suggesting we all live in communes.
"Cynicism of the intellect
Utopianism of the will."
What the heck does that even mean? I am catching the vague Marxist/Leninist reference, but that's about it.
Two phrases in this one. "Destroy capitalism" and "the kingdom of heaven is among you." I find the juxtaposition of destruction with a heavenly biblical reference amusing.
Another dual message and biblical reference. "Occupy everywhere" and "the meek shall inherit the earth."
Uh huh.
"Without love no one would care enough to act in defence of our society!"
What was I saying about false dichotomies again?
"CNT-FAT You do the work they get the pay."
I have no idea what the CNT-FAT refers to. Actually, I don't know what they're referring to about people working while someone else gets paid for that work, either.
"Freedom should be free."
Actually, freedom is bought and paid for with blood and sacrifice. Freedom in never free and needs to be fought for and defended. Strange that people living in one of the freest countries in the world do not seem to appreciate, nor recognise, their freedom and the price others paid to bequeath it to us.
Love is greater than money. Another false dichotomy.
Oh, the next few I find hilarious! First...
Here is one of a couple of free papers available. This one, put out by the same company that sells the Journal next to it, if I remember correctly, is labelled good. The paper is free because it's paid for with advertising dollars. In other words, we get this paper for free thanks to capitalists.
Here is another free paper, put out by a competing company. It, too, is labelled good. I assume because it's also free. It could also be because of the content. If you click on the image to see it full size, you'll note the front page reads "Bad teacher," with an apple labelled "Eat me." We stopped reading this paper because of the high sexual content.
Note that this paper, labelled good, is owned by Quebecor. Quebecor also owns this paper....
Yes, this paper that is labelled as "lies." Three times, even. It's part of the Sun Media group.
So, free paper full of sexual content, good. Sun newspaper, owned by the same company, is filled with lies.
Got that?
No, I don't get it, either.
This smudged out writing reads "Edmonton Sun = Fox News."
So not only is the Sun filled with lies, it's Fox News.
This is actually an inadvertent compliment. It turns out that Fox News is the most balanced of the big news sources.
Opponents of Sun Media are a fairly amusing lot. They insist, no matter what the facts, on equating them with Fox News. Fox News, of course, is the source of all things evil and hateful, according to them. I don't get the channel, so I have no idea. I don't watch any of the other big news channels, either. For Canadian news, Sun News Network is the only thing I watch now, though any tv watching is rare for me. I'm more likely to watch clips online.
SNN has nothing to do with Fox News. Never did. There is no connection between the two, except that they are both admittedly right leaning (unlike the other news sources that are left leaning, but won't admit it). This is enough, however, to have them branded as the source of all things terrible by people who admit they never watch either.
So this particular bit of sidewalk wisdom is not only an inadvertent compliment, it's perpetuating a falsehood.
This one is funny. It has the words solidarity and love spelled out, with the peace symbol and anarchy symbol scattered around for good measure. I read this and I suddenly start hearing this.
I don't think the people who wrote this understand where Solidarity comes from. Being of Polish descent, the movement and its accomplishments held great meaning for my family. For a group of people who openly advocate communism, Marxism and socialism, I find the expropriation of the Solidarity movement both ironic and disgusting.
You'll have to click on this one to see it full size. I did my best to put together 5 photos to get the whole thing. It has two messages. The long one reads "Be careful or the media will have you hating the people being oppressed and loving the people doing the oppressing."
Under that it reads, "transcend without transcendence."
The first part is inadvertently funny, while the second part sounds like New Agey spiritualism.
Another merging of photos gives us a quote from the band, Billy Talent. "You can turn your back or you can plant the seed. You can choose compassion or universal greed."
Yet another false dichotomy, but it's lyrics from a famous band, therefor it's wise. Right?
I think I should swing by these guys during the day with a camera - if they're still there - and see what other nuggets of wisdom they have to share.
Youngest and I headed over to the library this evening. Our usual routine, when the budget allows, is to sit for a while in the Second Cup that is in the library, chat, do some crochet, whatever. Unfortunately it's closed for renovations right now, so we were going to go across the street to a fair trade coffee shop. On finding it was going to close within 10 minutes, we headed into a nearby mall where we thought we might get some bubble tea. Everything there was closed. We still wanted to go somewhere, so we headed a couple of blocks over to a Tim Horton's we knew would be open later.
It just happens to be directly across the street from where the local Occupy group is squatting in a private park. They were supposed to be gone this morning, but from what I read in the paper, they apparently had an hour-long meeting and decided they wouldn't leave. The owners have granted them an extra day, but there's no word yet on what's going to happen tomorrow.
We couldn't see much of what was going on. It was rather dark, so all we could see were a few signs and the edges of tarps and tents light up by the street lights, and shadows in the background. It's a small park holding a small group of people. We didn't go across to see more. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of going past there in the dark with my 15 yr old daughter. My older daughter, sure. Eldest is a more assertive, confident type that people tend to leave alone. Youngest, unfortunately, has the sort of demeanor that has every passing drunk shouting "yeehaw!!" when they see her walk by in her cowboy hat and duster, and every aggressive panhandler aims for. I have less concerns about her walking along past the federal prison near us at night than walking alone down the main thoroughfare downtown. The types of people that come out are very different.
Though we didn't go across the street, we found something else. Leaving through a different entrance, we found a bunch of chalk writing on the sidewalk. Only in front of the Tim Horton's, though. I found this interesting, since there's a CIBC at the other end of the complex. I thought the occupiers were against banks? Perhaps walking to the other end of the block was too much effort.
For those outside of Canada, the CIBC is the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce. The complex is even called Commerce Place. It's tenants include not only the Timmies we were at, but everything from a radio station, corporate offices and retail outlets, including an organic restaurant/bakery/mini-grocery store that specializes in all natural, sustainable fare. It's always a very busy place, too. An excellent example of capitalism, actually. Among the services it offers is a meal delivery service, where people can order prepared, hot organic meals for regular delivery. They know how to give their customer base what it wants, and are very successful at it.
Speaking of capitalism, here's one of the sidewalk phrases we found.
In interesting sentiment. According to this, people have to chose between love and capitalism. Either choice is violent, resulting in the death of the other. Fascinating. False dichotomies like this are really popular. It makes me wonder what the writer thinks capitalism is. Somehow, I don't think they mean the organic food store I mentioned above.
"Communize."
I'm not sure what this means. It could be a reference to communism as a form of government. Or it could be suggesting we all live in communes.
"Cynicism of the intellect
Utopianism of the will."
What the heck does that even mean? I am catching the vague Marxist/Leninist reference, but that's about it.
Uh huh.
"Without love no one would care enough to act in defence of our society!"
What was I saying about false dichotomies again?
I have no idea what the CNT-FAT refers to. Actually, I don't know what they're referring to about people working while someone else gets paid for that work, either.
Actually, freedom is bought and paid for with blood and sacrifice. Freedom in never free and needs to be fought for and defended. Strange that people living in one of the freest countries in the world do not seem to appreciate, nor recognise, their freedom and the price others paid to bequeath it to us.
Love is greater than money. Another false dichotomy.
Oh, the next few I find hilarious! First...
Note that this paper, labelled good, is owned by Quebecor. Quebecor also owns this paper....
Yes, this paper that is labelled as "lies." Three times, even. It's part of the Sun Media group.
So, free paper full of sexual content, good. Sun newspaper, owned by the same company, is filled with lies.
Got that?
No, I don't get it, either.
This smudged out writing reads "Edmonton Sun = Fox News."
So not only is the Sun filled with lies, it's Fox News.
This is actually an inadvertent compliment. It turns out that Fox News is the most balanced of the big news sources.
Opponents of Sun Media are a fairly amusing lot. They insist, no matter what the facts, on equating them with Fox News. Fox News, of course, is the source of all things evil and hateful, according to them. I don't get the channel, so I have no idea. I don't watch any of the other big news channels, either. For Canadian news, Sun News Network is the only thing I watch now, though any tv watching is rare for me. I'm more likely to watch clips online.
SNN has nothing to do with Fox News. Never did. There is no connection between the two, except that they are both admittedly right leaning (unlike the other news sources that are left leaning, but won't admit it). This is enough, however, to have them branded as the source of all things terrible by people who admit they never watch either.
So this particular bit of sidewalk wisdom is not only an inadvertent compliment, it's perpetuating a falsehood.
Under that it reads, "transcend without transcendence."
The first part is inadvertently funny, while the second part sounds like New Agey spiritualism.
Yet another false dichotomy, but it's lyrics from a famous band, therefor it's wise. Right?
I think I should swing by these guys during the day with a camera - if they're still there - and see what other nuggets of wisdom they have to share.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
A Bit Better
Well, the adventure continued today, but at least we were able to get the mistake at the doctor's fixed up.
Unfortunately, Dh isn't doing any better. For him, it started very painfully. It took him a full 11 minutes just to get out of bed and to the washroom, which is just on the other side of the bedroom wall. It was an excrutiating morning for him.
After yesterday's mix up, we headed straight for the clinic to wait for the doors to open. We left a bit too early, getting there 15 minutes before the doors opened. There was already someone else waiting, though that turned out to be for the pharmacy that shares the same main entrance as our dr's clinic. That mean 15 minutes of slowly pacing back and forth along one side of the building, which did help loosen up Dh's back a bit. He did take at T3 before we left, but 45 minutes later, it still didn't feel like it had kicked in.
By the time the doors opened, there were quite a few people waiting. Dh went straight to the counter, gave back the print outs we got yesterday and basically told them, "this isn't me." The receptionist immediately knew who Dh was. It turns out our Dr. saw the guy who's file he'd actually had instead of Dh right after we left, and the mix up was caught then. We were told that the request for an MRI got sent out properly, she was all ready to get a new chit for medical leave written up, and handed over a print out for prescription refills, which was something that got brought up during our visit yesterday. Along with his refills, there was a new prescription for T3s for when what we have at home runs out. Plus there was...
... hold on. What are those doing there??
There were two new meds on the prescription list, and we didn't know why they were there. One I recognized the name of. It was an anti-depressant Dh had been prescribed before - 8 years ago and in another province! One of a number of possible side effects of this particular brand of anti-depressants was suicidal ideation, and sure enough, that was one of several side effects that he got out of them. Not something he would be taking again! I recognised the name of the other one, but couldn't remember what it was for. After talking to the receptionist about it, she asked if we were able to wait around a bit so that we could talk directly to our doctor, who wasn't in yet but expected soon. We decided to wait, though there was no way Dh could sit on those waiting room chairs for any length of time, so whe headed back outside, where he had more room to pace. With his handy-dandy Blackberry, he looked up the other prescription that was on the list, and it turned out to be a painkiller that is often used topically. I'm not sure why I recognize the name.
When the dr. arrived and he saw Dh he was very quick to apologize for the mix up. It seems that the mistake was completely his, having called up the next patient's file instead of Dh's. He saw us first, even though there were quite a lot of people waiting. We even ended up in the same examination room as before. *L* As we were waiting a couple of minutes for the Dr. to join us, Dh was sitting in one of those waiting room chairs, rocking gently from side to side, adjusting for the pain. At one point, he just kept leeeeaaaannnniiinngggg over to one side until he head was almost on the counter beside him. Thankfully, it didn't take long for the dr. to join us.
Again, he apologised and we found out more about what happened. We asked about the new prescriptions on the list, and it turns out that they should have been on the other guy's file, not Dh's. That got fixed right quick! This had the potential to be a lot worse than it was!! It's a good thing it got caught as quickly as it did.
We chatted some more about Dh's situation. A new medical leave chit was printed out, along with the proper test results from Dh's Xrays for the physiotherapist. We got a chuckle over the coincidence that he'd have another patient with such similar problems as Dh - those his back damage is far less than what Dh's is.
So that was all fixed up and settled, much to everyone's relief. Dh got his new print outs, and this time they both double checked that they were the right ones. *L*
After that, we sung through a fast food place for food, since neither of us had had breakfast. It was a nice surprise for the kids, too. When we got back, Youngest was up and very happy to see us. Somehow, she missed out on all our conversations yesterday and had no idea why we were gone or where!
Dh ended up spending most of his day tilted back in the computer chair. The walking from earlier helped quite a bit. Though every movement was painful, he had more range of motion than before, and the pain wasn't quite as acute.
Sleeping is getting to be a problem. As long as he doesn't have to move or roll over, he's fine, but he can't stay in one position all the time, or that just brings in a new set of pain. We're thinking of finding some way to elevate the top of his mattress to see if that would help, but we can't figure out how. Sleeping in an incline might make things a lot more comfortable for him, though. It's looking like we need to get one of those beds that are like a hospital bed, where you can adjuste the angle to whatever you want. Not that we could afford something like. :-P
Tonight, Dh is trying a double dose of the T3's (the maximum he's supposed to do) to see if that will make things easier for him in the morning.
I sure hope so, even if it just takes a bit of the edge off.
We shall see.
Unfortunately, Dh isn't doing any better. For him, it started very painfully. It took him a full 11 minutes just to get out of bed and to the washroom, which is just on the other side of the bedroom wall. It was an excrutiating morning for him.
After yesterday's mix up, we headed straight for the clinic to wait for the doors to open. We left a bit too early, getting there 15 minutes before the doors opened. There was already someone else waiting, though that turned out to be for the pharmacy that shares the same main entrance as our dr's clinic. That mean 15 minutes of slowly pacing back and forth along one side of the building, which did help loosen up Dh's back a bit. He did take at T3 before we left, but 45 minutes later, it still didn't feel like it had kicked in.
By the time the doors opened, there were quite a few people waiting. Dh went straight to the counter, gave back the print outs we got yesterday and basically told them, "this isn't me." The receptionist immediately knew who Dh was. It turns out our Dr. saw the guy who's file he'd actually had instead of Dh right after we left, and the mix up was caught then. We were told that the request for an MRI got sent out properly, she was all ready to get a new chit for medical leave written up, and handed over a print out for prescription refills, which was something that got brought up during our visit yesterday. Along with his refills, there was a new prescription for T3s for when what we have at home runs out. Plus there was...
... hold on. What are those doing there??
There were two new meds on the prescription list, and we didn't know why they were there. One I recognized the name of. It was an anti-depressant Dh had been prescribed before - 8 years ago and in another province! One of a number of possible side effects of this particular brand of anti-depressants was suicidal ideation, and sure enough, that was one of several side effects that he got out of them. Not something he would be taking again! I recognised the name of the other one, but couldn't remember what it was for. After talking to the receptionist about it, she asked if we were able to wait around a bit so that we could talk directly to our doctor, who wasn't in yet but expected soon. We decided to wait, though there was no way Dh could sit on those waiting room chairs for any length of time, so whe headed back outside, where he had more room to pace. With his handy-dandy Blackberry, he looked up the other prescription that was on the list, and it turned out to be a painkiller that is often used topically. I'm not sure why I recognize the name.
When the dr. arrived and he saw Dh he was very quick to apologize for the mix up. It seems that the mistake was completely his, having called up the next patient's file instead of Dh's. He saw us first, even though there were quite a lot of people waiting. We even ended up in the same examination room as before. *L* As we were waiting a couple of minutes for the Dr. to join us, Dh was sitting in one of those waiting room chairs, rocking gently from side to side, adjusting for the pain. At one point, he just kept leeeeaaaannnniiinngggg over to one side until he head was almost on the counter beside him. Thankfully, it didn't take long for the dr. to join us.
Again, he apologised and we found out more about what happened. We asked about the new prescriptions on the list, and it turns out that they should have been on the other guy's file, not Dh's. That got fixed right quick! This had the potential to be a lot worse than it was!! It's a good thing it got caught as quickly as it did.
We chatted some more about Dh's situation. A new medical leave chit was printed out, along with the proper test results from Dh's Xrays for the physiotherapist. We got a chuckle over the coincidence that he'd have another patient with such similar problems as Dh - those his back damage is far less than what Dh's is.
So that was all fixed up and settled, much to everyone's relief. Dh got his new print outs, and this time they both double checked that they were the right ones. *L*
After that, we sung through a fast food place for food, since neither of us had had breakfast. It was a nice surprise for the kids, too. When we got back, Youngest was up and very happy to see us. Somehow, she missed out on all our conversations yesterday and had no idea why we were gone or where!
Dh ended up spending most of his day tilted back in the computer chair. The walking from earlier helped quite a bit. Though every movement was painful, he had more range of motion than before, and the pain wasn't quite as acute.
Sleeping is getting to be a problem. As long as he doesn't have to move or roll over, he's fine, but he can't stay in one position all the time, or that just brings in a new set of pain. We're thinking of finding some way to elevate the top of his mattress to see if that would help, but we can't figure out how. Sleeping in an incline might make things a lot more comfortable for him, though. It's looking like we need to get one of those beds that are like a hospital bed, where you can adjuste the angle to whatever you want. Not that we could afford something like. :-P
Tonight, Dh is trying a double dose of the T3's (the maximum he's supposed to do) to see if that will make things easier for him in the morning.
I sure hope so, even if it just takes a bit of the edge off.
We shall see.
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